tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3375512083268389933.post6226711591815407980..comments2023-09-30T10:36:23.154-05:00Comments on Accidental Historian: No Place to Hide to Keep from RunningGedshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15047239425466517786noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3375512083268389933.post-25517541974485265572010-04-17T21:24:07.977-05:002010-04-17T21:24:07.977-05:00The weird thing is that it isn't even like it&...The weird thing is that it isn't even like it's a dichotomy of those proportions.<br /><br />It honestly feels like the entire thing is focused specifically on that one person in that one place in time. What I guess I have a hard time figuring out is why I would still feel that way about her.<br /><br />I mean, I've been around women who probably would have had sex with me since then and been okay with the thought. I've been around women who have basically offered it and I've been okay with that. I've come to terms with the fact that these things happen. Oddly, I've yet to take anyone up on any offers (or theoretical offers), but that's not because the thought itself is particularly disturbing. It's more that I haven't seen any serious potential with anyone and after a lifetime of holding the attitude that sex is supposed to be a special thing with a special person I can't just turn that off. Also, I've often got other things on my mind, anyway. Really, on a weird level, I've found that moving away from that not-having-sex-obsessed Christian culture it's much easier to not have sex.<br /><br />I suppose in this specific instance its just that she meant more to me than I ever meant to her. Further, she represented some sort of idealized woman and Christian to me back in the day, and apparently this still bugs me, even after I've slipped in to my generally comfortable non-belief.<br /><br />That, too, is probably why she makes such an interesting foil for Her. It's all about attempting to break away from the ultimately unhelpful mental projections I push on to people who really don't need or deserve them.Gedshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15047239425466517786noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3375512083268389933.post-31174508675479266012010-04-17T21:07:47.479-05:002010-04-17T21:07:47.479-05:00I took a college English course once called "...I took a college English course once called "The American Odyseey". Part of its basic premise was that while the original Odyssey had a protagonist trying to regain a home he already had, the American odysseys we studied had people trying to get away from a home that didn't fit them, and create a new home in what was to them a wilderness. Seems to me you've got one of them there American odysseys going on right now.<br /><br />Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're saying you've managed to reprogram your mental reflexes from "something as crass as sex" to "something as crass as sex with me." And very likely beyond that into something else. Even the second statement, though, is a world of difference and ultimately a positive. Sex doesn't have to be crass, though like any human endeavor it can be. And to change oneself to become more desirable is doable. Waaay more doable than to wrestle against the preconception that sexual desire makes someone inherently not worth desiring. :D Glad you're out of that particular mental quicksand.Fiat Lexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10441862977921307080noreply@blogger.com