Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Sleigh Bells Ring
It's times like this I wish I was a performance artist.
Remember back when the Tea Baggers were just a gleam in Glenn Bek's crazy eyes? I wrote a post that contained the idea of going out to the end of Navy Pier and throwing a box of Bigelow in to Lake Michigan. At the time it seemed a lark. Then the Tea Baggers went and did exactly that.
It was like Poe's Law in 3D.
Anyway, we're officially up to my favorite season: The War on Christmas Season. This year I think it's time to start The War on The War on Christmas Season. Here's my plan:
We'll get a couple hundred people. We'll give them all posters of Santa on a crucifix. Then we'll march around the FOX News Headquarters and shout, "Happy Holidays!"
After that we'll go throw dreidels and those Kwanzaa candle holder thingies in to a giant hole in the ground somewhere, then covering it with pine branches and palm fronds before placing smoldering coals on top and watching everything burn. You know, for the symbolism.*
I think it will be my greatest triumph as a performance artist yet.
Just don't ask what my previous triumphs were. I might have to yell, "Hey! Look over there!" and run away. And I'm not wearing the right shoes for that just now...
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*The only thing better than actual symbolism is nonsensical symbolism dressed up with a story. So if anyone asks, there's a reason for it. We're symbolically burying other holiday tradition under a pastiche of Christianity and setting it ablaze with sinful crass commercialism. See? It's a perfectly valid bit of symbolism...
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8 comments:
What's the over/under on how long it takes the Religious Right to enact this exact scene in order to save the real meaning of Saturnalia, er, Christmas?
I'm putting my money on next December 10th, personally. The War on Christmas has been pretty lackluster this year, since we're still focused on the Insurgency Against the Muslimofascist Kenyan-in-Chief. You can't just open up a two-front war like that.
"It was like Poe's Law in 3D."
This cracked me up. Tweeted for awesomeness.
You know, I think I'd be up for that. How much are plane tickets these days?
It's not even Thanksgiving yet. I think the War On Christmas doesn't go into full swing until the crass commercialism is also.
And *I* was up for the original "Bigelow Heaved Off Navy Pier" event, so of course I want in on this. However, my calendar books pretty quickly in Nov/Dec, so if you're serious THIS time, a date needs to get blocked out soon. [And I have a bunch of demented friends who'd love to add mass and insanity to such a Scene of Performance Art.]
You've inspired me (and, well, I really needed to take a break from work).
Join the War On Christmas!
Ok, Mr Mock, that was excellent.
Huh. I wasn't actually expecting this to become a call to arms. Then again, I wasn't actually expecting anyone to heave teabags in to nearby bodies of water, either.
Unfortunately my next month and a half looks like it's kinda booked solid, what with the major life changes that shall be happening. So I don't actually think that I can coordinate this bit of insane theater...
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