That's it. I'm done. I'm officially shutting this blog down.
And moving it over to TypePad.
Excuse my dust while I get the new digs built. It'll be a little while before I have everything in order. It will be a good thing, though. For one, it looks like I might just be able to do that experiment in Podcasting I was thinking about.
I've shut the comment section down on this blog for what I hope are obvious reasons, but I'll still be keeping it up. For some reason TypePad only imported the posts from August and September, so I'll want to keep this one around as an archive. And so I can point people to the new spot. It should be pretty easy to remember:
http://accidental-historian.typepad.com
Showing posts with label News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label News. Show all posts
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Good News and Bad News and Other News
So the good news is I’m still blogging.
The bad news is that I’m blogging from beyond the grave.
The really bad news is that death looks exactly like my regular life.
Silver lining: this proves my hypothesis that Texas = Hell.
Anyway, yeah. Big, bad Dennis Markuze didn’t get me. He didn’t even leave Montreal. I know this because of the IP address from which he’s been leaving his bullshit all morning. Which also indicates that he lacks the faith in his god to believe that the job got done. So, good times.
Meanwhile, yesterday I got to contend with Tropical Event Hermoine and spend a bunch of time driving around Dallas in the neighborhood of the tornadoes that were apparently much worse than I though. Yet here I am, still alive…
Anyway, we’ve proved yet again that Dennis Markuze is not a threat. But he is massively annoying.
-------------------------
This has also caused me to make a decision I’ve been putting off for a while. I’m going to migrate the blog, probably to Wordpress. Blogger’s interface is clunky and annoying. Their moderation is basically useless, as you have to have it all the way on or all the way off. The rollout of their Spam filter only clinched it, as I have received 29 comments from DM since yesterday, marked all of them as Spam, and still they get posted as normal. A quick perusal of the message boards indicates that I’m most definitely not the only person having this problem.
I can’t complain too much, as Blogger is free. That also makes it really hard for me to feel like storming off in high dudgeon. Still, I’d rather have more control than what Blogger offers.
Anyway, further bulletins as events warrant…
The bad news is that I’m blogging from beyond the grave.
The really bad news is that death looks exactly like my regular life.
Silver lining: this proves my hypothesis that Texas = Hell.
Anyway, yeah. Big, bad Dennis Markuze didn’t get me. He didn’t even leave Montreal. I know this because of the IP address from which he’s been leaving his bullshit all morning. Which also indicates that he lacks the faith in his god to believe that the job got done. So, good times.
Meanwhile, yesterday I got to contend with Tropical Event Hermoine and spend a bunch of time driving around Dallas in the neighborhood of the tornadoes that were apparently much worse than I though. Yet here I am, still alive…
Anyway, we’ve proved yet again that Dennis Markuze is not a threat. But he is massively annoying.
-------------------------
This has also caused me to make a decision I’ve been putting off for a while. I’m going to migrate the blog, probably to Wordpress. Blogger’s interface is clunky and annoying. Their moderation is basically useless, as you have to have it all the way on or all the way off. The rollout of their Spam filter only clinched it, as I have received 29 comments from DM since yesterday, marked all of them as Spam, and still they get posted as normal. A quick perusal of the message boards indicates that I’m most definitely not the only person having this problem.
I can’t complain too much, as Blogger is free. That also makes it really hard for me to feel like storming off in high dudgeon. Still, I’d rather have more control than what Blogger offers.
Anyway, further bulletins as events warrant…
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Hooray!
I've officially arrived. Today I received my first direct death threat from DM, which I have deleted as per my policy of deleting everything that dipshit posts on my blog.
Either way, I'm apparently going to die today.
Check back tomorrow for the exciting conclusion.
Either way, I'm apparently going to die today.
Check back tomorrow for the exciting conclusion.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Follow-Up Note...
Remember that post I wrote a couple weeks ago on gay marriage?
How about this particular unintended consequence?
Dallas Judge's Ruling Saying Gay Couple could Divorce in Texas Rejected on Appeal.
Basically, two guys got married in Massachusetts, where it's legal. They then moved to Texas (for reasons I can't fathom), where it's not. Now they can't get a divorce.
I can imagine no clearer illustration to explain why this issue should most certainly not be left to the states to decide. I mean, other than the fact that "states rights" have been a cover argument for, "We walk to be a bunch of bigoted fuckwits and don't want anyone telling us not to be," since some time in the neighborhood of John C. Calhoun.
How about this particular unintended consequence?
Dallas Judge's Ruling Saying Gay Couple could Divorce in Texas Rejected on Appeal.
Basically, two guys got married in Massachusetts, where it's legal. They then moved to Texas (for reasons I can't fathom), where it's not. Now they can't get a divorce.
I can imagine no clearer illustration to explain why this issue should most certainly not be left to the states to decide. I mean, other than the fact that "states rights" have been a cover argument for, "We walk to be a bunch of bigoted fuckwits and don't want anyone telling us not to be," since some time in the neighborhood of John C. Calhoun.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Update for the Sake of Updating
So I'm too tired to write about the Council of Nicaea. I'm also too tired to write about trickster gods, which is what I was kinda-sorta working on. I have another post worked up about the general awesomeness of storytelling and Neil Gaiman, but it hasn't really jelled yet.
Instead of doing actual work, then, I think I'll just write a quick update post.
Next Saturday. Lost Immigrants. The place is called Love and War in Texas and it's off of north bound 75 in Plano. Seeing as how the building seems to be actually made out of neon signage, I doubt you can miss it (Michael Mock, I'm looking at you. Also, it's right by the Fry's. And it's made out of neon signs).The band's website say they go on at 8 pm. And it's $8.
Either way, Big A says he may or may not be available later on, as he works at night. Michael Mock seems down. I'm hoping Fake Al Gore is, y'know, not going to be in Colorado.
Still, I'm thinking perhaps dinner and hanging out, if anyone is interested. Some time in the neighborhood of six-thirty-ish, I'd say. And this time there's about a 90% chance I won't get confused by the parking structure, so I might even be there when I say I'll be there...
Also, other random Dallas-area people who may or may not be reading this blog and enjoy really good music of the neo-traditional/Americana variety should also go. The Lost Immigrants are really quite good.
------------------------------
Meanwhile, on the list of things that kinda-sorta piss me off about not living in Chicago:
A Chicago musician named Matthew Leone was recently hospitalized. A shitload of Chicago bands decided to hold a benefit. Sunday actually marked one of my dream concerts: Local H and the Lovehammers on the same goddamn stage. Not only that, but they went on at the same time and played a cover of "Baba O'Riley."
Seriously. If anyone is willing to point me to a YouTube video of that, I'll be eternally grateful.
-----------------------
Also, on a totally unrelated note: I've resigned myself to the idea that I'll be spending my thirtieth birthday in Dallas. This kinda-sorta depresses me. Um, I'd like to be out of Dallas by early 2012, ideally. I've decided that if the world is going to end in 2012, I'd rather see it end from somewhere else...
I don't generally do birthday parties. I believe part of the problem is that I historically have not had a lot of friends and I don't like hanging out with large groups of people. However, I'm thinking of doing something different for 30. This is, admittedly, nine months away, but hey...
See, I got to thinking about this specifically because I went to see Local H on my 28th and the Lost Immigrants on my 29th. So I was thinking, "Hey, birthday concert. That'd be fucking awesome." Perhaps, y'know, invite Jessi Lynn on down, see if the Lost Immigrants were available or Seneca was over on this side of the pond in May.
Then I realized that I live in a two-bedroom apartment and do not so much have a venue for such things.
I can't tell you how much it sucks to not be excruciatingly rich. So, basically, if I win the Lottery (which would be tough, since I don't so much play the Lottery...) between now and then and find myself in a place where I'm stupid rich, I'm going to have a sweet party. Seriously, this would be my ultimate birthday lineup:
Jessi Lynn
Seneca
Lost Immigrants
Mike Doughty
Lovehammers
Local H
RCPM
Also, it's entirely possible that Idlewild, the Saw Doctors, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden would be involved in the Real Ultimate Power Birthday Lineup, but that would be one hell of a birthday Gedstravaganza. And even my imaginary Lotto winnings scenario doesn't have enough funds for that. And I'd need more hangers-on to really justify it. And if it gets too big the sets would have to be really short, it would have to be stretched over two days, or there would need to be multiple stages, which would kind of defeat the purpose. So that's tough.
And, now that I think about it, my musical tastes are really bizarre. But, okay, let me see if I can turn this in to an even more pointless thought experiment. There'd be three sets.
First, the singer-songwriter set, consisting of Jessi Lynn, Matt Nathanson, Over the Rhine, and Mike Doughty.
Second, the roots rock set, consisting of the Lost Immigrants, Saw Doctors, the Peacemakers, and Pearl Jam.[1]
Third, the rock goodness set, consisting of Seneca, the Lovehammers, Local H, Idlewild, and Soundgarden.[2]
Why do I get the feeling that if I woke up a billionaire tomorrow I wouldn't actually change much in the way of my living habits, but I'd get in to the habit of, say, paying Idlewild a stupid amount of money to fly over and throw a private concert?
That would be awesome.
Also, I literally have no clue why I just wrote this part of a post that was supposed to be a really quick update. This is apparently what happens when I feel like writing but don't have the brain power to write anything, y'know, worthwhile.
---------------------------
[1]Pearl Jam doesn't technically fit here, but of the major grunge acts they were definitely the folk-iest. And the rock goodness set is just too long as it is. Even so, I've seen the Saw Doctors and Peacemakers do two and a half hour sets and, although I haven't personally witnessed one, I know Pearl Jam will do up to three hours. So even at that it's a long night.
[2]At this point I'm thinking that there's only one thing that needs to be done here. Throw Flogging Molly, the Fratellis, Green Day, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Randy Rogers Band, Cross Canadian Ragweed, and Reckless Kelly in here and call it "Gedsapalooza." It'll be about a thousand times better than this year's Lollapalooza was. Plus it will have this bizarre Chicago rock/Texas Country vibe that literally makes sense to only me.
Why can't I be an eccentric billionaire? I'd probably leave random waitresses $100 tips for cups of coffee, adopt all the dogs in dog shelters, and engage in the creation of whimsically bizarre music festivals. I sure as shit wouldn't go out and destroy the Gulf of Mexico, create human centipedes, or talk about how I give to charity because, um, you should see my tax returns...
EDIT:
Holy mother of awesomeness. It's on YouTube. Except the cameraperson obviously did not understand that Scott Lucas was the most important person on that stage...
Instead of doing actual work, then, I think I'll just write a quick update post.
Next Saturday. Lost Immigrants. The place is called Love and War in Texas and it's off of north bound 75 in Plano. Seeing as how the building seems to be actually made out of neon signage, I doubt you can miss it (Michael Mock, I'm looking at you. Also, it's right by the Fry's. And it's made out of neon signs).The band's website say they go on at 8 pm. And it's $8.
Either way, Big A says he may or may not be available later on, as he works at night. Michael Mock seems down. I'm hoping Fake Al Gore is, y'know, not going to be in Colorado.
Still, I'm thinking perhaps dinner and hanging out, if anyone is interested. Some time in the neighborhood of six-thirty-ish, I'd say. And this time there's about a 90% chance I won't get confused by the parking structure, so I might even be there when I say I'll be there...
Also, other random Dallas-area people who may or may not be reading this blog and enjoy really good music of the neo-traditional/Americana variety should also go. The Lost Immigrants are really quite good.
------------------------------
Meanwhile, on the list of things that kinda-sorta piss me off about not living in Chicago:
A Chicago musician named Matthew Leone was recently hospitalized. A shitload of Chicago bands decided to hold a benefit. Sunday actually marked one of my dream concerts: Local H and the Lovehammers on the same goddamn stage. Not only that, but they went on at the same time and played a cover of "Baba O'Riley."
Seriously. If anyone is willing to point me to a YouTube video of that, I'll be eternally grateful.
-----------------------
Also, on a totally unrelated note: I've resigned myself to the idea that I'll be spending my thirtieth birthday in Dallas. This kinda-sorta depresses me. Um, I'd like to be out of Dallas by early 2012, ideally. I've decided that if the world is going to end in 2012, I'd rather see it end from somewhere else...
I don't generally do birthday parties. I believe part of the problem is that I historically have not had a lot of friends and I don't like hanging out with large groups of people. However, I'm thinking of doing something different for 30. This is, admittedly, nine months away, but hey...
See, I got to thinking about this specifically because I went to see Local H on my 28th and the Lost Immigrants on my 29th. So I was thinking, "Hey, birthday concert. That'd be fucking awesome." Perhaps, y'know, invite Jessi Lynn on down, see if the Lost Immigrants were available or Seneca was over on this side of the pond in May.
Then I realized that I live in a two-bedroom apartment and do not so much have a venue for such things.
I can't tell you how much it sucks to not be excruciatingly rich. So, basically, if I win the Lottery (which would be tough, since I don't so much play the Lottery...) between now and then and find myself in a place where I'm stupid rich, I'm going to have a sweet party. Seriously, this would be my ultimate birthday lineup:
Jessi Lynn
Seneca
Lost Immigrants
Mike Doughty
Lovehammers
Local H
RCPM
Also, it's entirely possible that Idlewild, the Saw Doctors, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden would be involved in the Real Ultimate Power Birthday Lineup, but that would be one hell of a birthday Gedstravaganza. And even my imaginary Lotto winnings scenario doesn't have enough funds for that. And I'd need more hangers-on to really justify it. And if it gets too big the sets would have to be really short, it would have to be stretched over two days, or there would need to be multiple stages, which would kind of defeat the purpose. So that's tough.
And, now that I think about it, my musical tastes are really bizarre. But, okay, let me see if I can turn this in to an even more pointless thought experiment. There'd be three sets.
First, the singer-songwriter set, consisting of Jessi Lynn, Matt Nathanson, Over the Rhine, and Mike Doughty.
Second, the roots rock set, consisting of the Lost Immigrants, Saw Doctors, the Peacemakers, and Pearl Jam.[1]
Third, the rock goodness set, consisting of Seneca, the Lovehammers, Local H, Idlewild, and Soundgarden.[2]
Why do I get the feeling that if I woke up a billionaire tomorrow I wouldn't actually change much in the way of my living habits, but I'd get in to the habit of, say, paying Idlewild a stupid amount of money to fly over and throw a private concert?
That would be awesome.
Also, I literally have no clue why I just wrote this part of a post that was supposed to be a really quick update. This is apparently what happens when I feel like writing but don't have the brain power to write anything, y'know, worthwhile.
---------------------------
[1]Pearl Jam doesn't technically fit here, but of the major grunge acts they were definitely the folk-iest. And the rock goodness set is just too long as it is. Even so, I've seen the Saw Doctors and Peacemakers do two and a half hour sets and, although I haven't personally witnessed one, I know Pearl Jam will do up to three hours. So even at that it's a long night.
[2]At this point I'm thinking that there's only one thing that needs to be done here. Throw Flogging Molly, the Fratellis, Green Day, Toad the Wet Sprocket, Randy Rogers Band, Cross Canadian Ragweed, and Reckless Kelly in here and call it "Gedsapalooza." It'll be about a thousand times better than this year's Lollapalooza was. Plus it will have this bizarre Chicago rock/Texas Country vibe that literally makes sense to only me.
Why can't I be an eccentric billionaire? I'd probably leave random waitresses $100 tips for cups of coffee, adopt all the dogs in dog shelters, and engage in the creation of whimsically bizarre music festivals. I sure as shit wouldn't go out and destroy the Gulf of Mexico, create human centipedes, or talk about how I give to charity because, um, you should see my tax returns...
EDIT:
Holy mother of awesomeness. It's on YouTube. Except the cameraperson obviously did not understand that Scott Lucas was the most important person on that stage...
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
This Might be the Best Idea I've Ever Had...Or the Worst...
On January 9th, 2010 I rolled across the border from Oklahoma in to Texas.
That means that we’re just over a week from my six month anniversary in the state of Texas. My first thought was to spend July 9th, 2010 quietly drinking myself in to oblivion. Then I realized it would be a hell of a lot more fun to noisily drink myself in to oblivion.
After that I decided it would be even better to skip the “drink myself in to oblivion” part. So I’ve decided I’m going to have a party.
I’m affectionately referring to the plan as the “Six Months in Hell” party.
This plan is still in its infancy, but the basic outline is this: I want to get everyone I know in the general Dallas area together (well, y’know, everyone I know that I like. And that can make it). I’m also a lazy, lazy bum, so I have a strong desire to do as little actual work as possible.
Fortunately, it appears as though the Lost Immigrants may have helped me solve that problem.
The Lost Immigrants, as you may or may not know, are not only my favorite Dallas-based band, they’re also the only Dallas-based band that I know of. And they’re doing a show on the 23rd at the White Elephant Saloon in Fort Worth and another on the 30th at the Tap-In Grill in Grapevine.
I’m thinking this: July 30th, Geds’s “Six Months in Hell” party at the Tap-In Grill in Grapevine. With far more interesting entertainment provided by the Lost Immigrants, because I’m not actually all that cool.
Also, it will be 103% vuvuzela-free.
And just for y'all:
That means that we’re just over a week from my six month anniversary in the state of Texas. My first thought was to spend July 9th, 2010 quietly drinking myself in to oblivion. Then I realized it would be a hell of a lot more fun to noisily drink myself in to oblivion.
After that I decided it would be even better to skip the “drink myself in to oblivion” part. So I’ve decided I’m going to have a party.
I’m affectionately referring to the plan as the “Six Months in Hell” party.
This plan is still in its infancy, but the basic outline is this: I want to get everyone I know in the general Dallas area together (well, y’know, everyone I know that I like. And that can make it). I’m also a lazy, lazy bum, so I have a strong desire to do as little actual work as possible.
Fortunately, it appears as though the Lost Immigrants may have helped me solve that problem.
The Lost Immigrants, as you may or may not know, are not only my favorite Dallas-based band, they’re also the only Dallas-based band that I know of. And they’re doing a show on the 23rd at the White Elephant Saloon in Fort Worth and another on the 30th at the Tap-In Grill in Grapevine.
I’m thinking this: July 30th, Geds’s “Six Months in Hell” party at the Tap-In Grill in Grapevine. With far more interesting entertainment provided by the Lost Immigrants, because I’m not actually all that cool.
Also, it will be 103% vuvuzela-free.
And just for y'all:
Friday, June 4, 2010
Gawking
Just in case anyone wants to see some horrible, horrible apologetics work, the comments section in Ken Pulliam's new post is horrifying. And kind of funny, but in a horrifying sort of way.
I thought it was bad when the initial response boiled down to a not-so-subtle implication that Ken was a rapist just because he wrote a post about rapists. Then Rhology came around. That dude...that dude is messed up in the head.
Everyone's morality is plastic except the Christian's. Women aren't people. Raping a woman and paying her father 50 shekels to take her as your bride is a-ok because the Bible says so. I'm going to be a rapist tomorrow because I used to dislike pecan pie and now I don't.
Go. Visit. Be amazed at the morality of the holier-than-thou Real True Christian and the logical pretzels they must twist.
I thought it was bad when the initial response boiled down to a not-so-subtle implication that Ken was a rapist just because he wrote a post about rapists. Then Rhology came around. That dude...that dude is messed up in the head.
Everyone's morality is plastic except the Christian's. Women aren't people. Raping a woman and paying her father 50 shekels to take her as your bride is a-ok because the Bible says so. I'm going to be a rapist tomorrow because I used to dislike pecan pie and now I don't.
Go. Visit. Be amazed at the morality of the holier-than-thou Real True Christian and the logical pretzels they must twist.
Friday, May 28, 2010
So There's a Problem...
With the idea of doing the Amsterdam on Saturday.
See, this Saturday also marks the start of the Stanley Cup Finals. And I am the bandwagoniest of the bandwagon fans of the Blackhawks. Although, to be fair, I have actually been to a Blackhawks game, which is more than I can say about the Bulls, a team I claim far more allegiance to.
But many, many years ago I played a lot of NHL '94 on my Super Nintendo and invariably chose the Blackhawks. And I always kept up with the latest thing Bill Wirtz was doing to ruin the team. And I did actually start watching games last season when they were good. Sometimes. Generally if I was at Slager's or Brixie's.
And I do know how to pronounce Toews. It's "taze." I think.
Maybe.
Anyway, yeah. Blackhawks. Stanley Cup. Game 1. And the Amsterdam doesn't so much have...well, televisions...
See, this Saturday also marks the start of the Stanley Cup Finals. And I am the bandwagoniest of the bandwagon fans of the Blackhawks. Although, to be fair, I have actually been to a Blackhawks game, which is more than I can say about the Bulls, a team I claim far more allegiance to.
But many, many years ago I played a lot of NHL '94 on my Super Nintendo and invariably chose the Blackhawks. And I always kept up with the latest thing Bill Wirtz was doing to ruin the team. And I did actually start watching games last season when they were good. Sometimes. Generally if I was at Slager's or Brixie's.
And I do know how to pronounce Toews. It's "taze." I think.
Maybe.
Anyway, yeah. Blackhawks. Stanley Cup. Game 1. And the Amsterdam doesn't so much have...well, televisions...
Monday, May 24, 2010
Stockholm Syndrome
So I've had my iPhone 3GS for a week now. And there's only one question going through my head: "Why didn't I do this sooner?"
Actually, the reason for that is simple. The 3GS wasn't out yet when I got my Tilt and I still had my knee-jerk anti-Apple stance. But a year and a half of Windows Mobile 6.1 has given me vast amounts of appreciation for the one, simple fact of the iPhone: it works. It works well. It works really well.
Plus, as someone who loves to think of himself as being on the cutting edge of faffing about, I now have the App Store. If I need to kill some time I can do some Mafia Wars, Crush the Castle (brilliant little App...), or play some sweet tower defense action. And there's always Words with Friends, wherein I learned that playing word games with English Majors is a recipe for disaster.
And there's other random stuff, too, like Stanza. I now have the ability to access all of Project Gutenburg via my phone. It's actually possible for me to use Wikipedia on the go now. The DirecTV app works way better than trying to go through their site on Mobile IE. So, basically, all the stuff I had access to before I still have access to...but better.
I've still got some complaints. The spreadsheet app that I have works a lot less well than Mobile Excel. There's that whole no Flash thing, but I couldn't even watch YouTube videos before, so it's not like I count this as a loss. I still hate iTunes with a passion and miss being able to just hook my phone to my computer and drag and drop. But considering that syncing my phone makes up a relatively tiny amount of my overall usage time, I'll trade a less efficient sync process for a better actual phone.
Either way, I'm a convert.
But you still won't see me hauling around a Macbook any time soon. Hellz no.
Actually, the reason for that is simple. The 3GS wasn't out yet when I got my Tilt and I still had my knee-jerk anti-Apple stance. But a year and a half of Windows Mobile 6.1 has given me vast amounts of appreciation for the one, simple fact of the iPhone: it works. It works well. It works really well.
Plus, as someone who loves to think of himself as being on the cutting edge of faffing about, I now have the App Store. If I need to kill some time I can do some Mafia Wars, Crush the Castle (brilliant little App...), or play some sweet tower defense action. And there's always Words with Friends, wherein I learned that playing word games with English Majors is a recipe for disaster.
And there's other random stuff, too, like Stanza. I now have the ability to access all of Project Gutenburg via my phone. It's actually possible for me to use Wikipedia on the go now. The DirecTV app works way better than trying to go through their site on Mobile IE. So, basically, all the stuff I had access to before I still have access to...but better.
I've still got some complaints. The spreadsheet app that I have works a lot less well than Mobile Excel. There's that whole no Flash thing, but I couldn't even watch YouTube videos before, so it's not like I count this as a loss. I still hate iTunes with a passion and miss being able to just hook my phone to my computer and drag and drop. But considering that syncing my phone makes up a relatively tiny amount of my overall usage time, I'll trade a less efficient sync process for a better actual phone.
Either way, I'm a convert.
But you still won't see me hauling around a Macbook any time soon. Hellz no.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Dallas Peeps...Assemble!
So my sister and brother-in-law are coming down to Dallas next weekend to say hello.
I'm planning on taking them to the Amsterdam Bar on Saturday night. That's the Amsterdam Bar at 831 Exposition in Dallas, TX, for the record. Anyone who wants to swing by is more than welcome.
Also, my birthday visit to the Doublewide was a smashing success. I discovered that James, also known as the lead singer of the Lost Immigrants, has discovered my blog and the lovely things I've said about the Lost Immigrants herein. I have a strangely well-traveled blog.
And on the off chance I know anyone who has some amount of influence over the Wildflower Festival in Richardson, TX, um, might I suggest looking in to a Dallas-based band known as the Lost Immigrants? Seriously, I've been looking forward to seeing these guys live since I moved and it was a fantastic birthday present that this was the first time that I had free when they were doing a show within a reasonable traveling radius.
They're pretty damn good...
I'm endlessly impressed by the quality of my Panasonic DMC-ZS1.
Oh, and on the list of signs that the universe loves me and wants me to be happy: Texas finally managed to get the driver's license I applied for on 4/19 to me on my birthday. And the MacGruber movie. MacGruber! I don't know what more I could ask for...
I'm planning on taking them to the Amsterdam Bar on Saturday night. That's the Amsterdam Bar at 831 Exposition in Dallas, TX, for the record. Anyone who wants to swing by is more than welcome.
Also, my birthday visit to the Doublewide was a smashing success. I discovered that James, also known as the lead singer of the Lost Immigrants, has discovered my blog and the lovely things I've said about the Lost Immigrants herein. I have a strangely well-traveled blog.
And on the off chance I know anyone who has some amount of influence over the Wildflower Festival in Richardson, TX, um, might I suggest looking in to a Dallas-based band known as the Lost Immigrants? Seriously, I've been looking forward to seeing these guys live since I moved and it was a fantastic birthday present that this was the first time that I had free when they were doing a show within a reasonable traveling radius.
They're pretty damn good...
I'm endlessly impressed by the quality of my Panasonic DMC-ZS1.
Oh, and on the list of signs that the universe loves me and wants me to be happy: Texas finally managed to get the driver's license I applied for on 4/19 to me on my birthday. And the MacGruber movie. MacGruber! I don't know what more I could ask for...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
From Where the Sun Now Stands I Shall Fight No More Forever
I swore I would never do it. But times change. People change.
I have officially joined the Evil Empire.
My tail-end-of-the-first-gen HTC Tilt has been slowly dying. Windows Mobile 6.1 has also been increasingly, massively frustratingly slow. My hope was to hold out until the iPhone 4G hit or, if at all possible, cross my fingers and hope against hope that I could make it to Windows Mobile 7 and actually see if it lives up to the hype.
Then today Wonderphone stopped holding a charge. For the period of about an hour today I sent Big A text messages with the latest percentage readout as it dropped from 94% to, quite literally, 0%. And all I was doing was monitoring battery level and sending texts.
So I pulled the trigger. Gedsmophone v 7.0 is officially an iPhone 3GS.
And, wow. I've had seven cell phones. My first cell phone was one of those ubiquitous Nokia candy bar phones. Then I had to switch from Cingular to U.S. Cellular because there was no Cingular service in Macomb. So I had a piece of crap Motorola that broke and was replaced by another piece of crap Motorola. Then I went back to AT&T and got a Nokia flip that I really liked. But I dropped that at the Beat Kitchen during the Seven Night Stand and it broke. So I got a Nokia 6555 flip to replace it, which I also really liked. But then I jumped to smart phones with my HTC Tilt. And I doubt anyone cares about such things, even me.
Either way, here's my problem with HTC: they advertise their phones well. Their phones look really nice. Windows Mobile 6.5 is actually a really snappy looking OS. But I now trust HTC's durability about as much as Motorola's (which is to say, not at all) and there's no way I'd saddle myself with another Windows Mobile OS unless 7 proves to be a revelation.
So every time I see the HTC Tilt 2 my initial reaction is, "Me wantee!" But then I stop and remember, "Wait. I have a Tilt. Never mind."
EDIT: Gorram. I screwed up the auto-post again.
I have officially joined the Evil Empire.
My tail-end-of-the-first-gen HTC Tilt has been slowly dying. Windows Mobile 6.1 has also been increasingly, massively frustratingly slow. My hope was to hold out until the iPhone 4G hit or, if at all possible, cross my fingers and hope against hope that I could make it to Windows Mobile 7 and actually see if it lives up to the hype.
Then today Wonderphone stopped holding a charge. For the period of about an hour today I sent Big A text messages with the latest percentage readout as it dropped from 94% to, quite literally, 0%. And all I was doing was monitoring battery level and sending texts.
So I pulled the trigger. Gedsmophone v 7.0 is officially an iPhone 3GS.
And, wow. I've had seven cell phones. My first cell phone was one of those ubiquitous Nokia candy bar phones. Then I had to switch from Cingular to U.S. Cellular because there was no Cingular service in Macomb. So I had a piece of crap Motorola that broke and was replaced by another piece of crap Motorola. Then I went back to AT&T and got a Nokia flip that I really liked. But I dropped that at the Beat Kitchen during the Seven Night Stand and it broke. So I got a Nokia 6555 flip to replace it, which I also really liked. But then I jumped to smart phones with my HTC Tilt. And I doubt anyone cares about such things, even me.
Either way, here's my problem with HTC: they advertise their phones well. Their phones look really nice. Windows Mobile 6.5 is actually a really snappy looking OS. But I now trust HTC's durability about as much as Motorola's (which is to say, not at all) and there's no way I'd saddle myself with another Windows Mobile OS unless 7 proves to be a revelation.
So every time I see the HTC Tilt 2 my initial reaction is, "Me wantee!" But then I stop and remember, "Wait. I have a Tilt. Never mind."
EDIT: Gorram. I screwed up the auto-post again.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Tuesday Tales
I went to the Wildflower Festival on Friday, whereat I saw Cowboy Mouth, Toad the Wet Sprocket, and Candlebox.
I knew nothing of Cowboy Mouth before the show. Their live show is excellent. They actually won me over with their energy. Then, when they left the stage, I realized, “Y’know, I can’t actually think of any songs I heard just now that I’d ever want to hear again.” Crazy.
Toad the Wet Sprocket, meanwhile, has been on my list of live shows to get around to seeing ever since I discovered they’d re-formed and started touring about a week after they hit Chicago some time in, um, 2006 or 2007ish. They did not disappoint. Although a combination of a bit of rain that delayed the start of the show and Cowboy Mouth deciding to steal an extra ten minutes forced them to cut their set sort. It’s too bad, as they were really the highlight of my evening.[1]
That statement is about to sound really weird.
Candlebox actually put on a damn good show. It was, objectively speaking, a better show than Toad the Wet Sprocket’s. I kind of have a scale of live shows for major bands (with “major” being a liberal term in some cases). My ground floor is Better than Ezra. I saw them in Quincy, IL at Quincy University while I was at WIU.[2] Basically, I enjoyed the Better than Ezra show, but I got what I wanted to out of it. I’d consider seeing Better than Ezra again, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to do so. Below them, then, are any number of shitty opening acts I’ve seen over the years. Slightly above BtE, meanwhile, are the Gin Blossoms, who get the upgrade because they didn’t use a drum machine.
The second-from-the-top level, meanwhile, is occupied by the Saw Doctors and Local H. I’ve never had a bad time at those shows and always look forward to the next time I’ll see any of those bands. At the very top, lest you have any doubts, are Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers. In between the Gin Blossoms and Saw Doctors and Local H is a lot of gray area.[3]
Like, I loved seeing Lucky Boys Confusion at the Double Door and Mike Doughty is great live. I originally put the Lovehammers on par with the Saw Doctors and Local H. But there needs to be a cut off. And I think the cutoff is this: how far would I drive and how many times would I go back? I’ve amply proven my desire to see RCPM and Local H over and over again and the only reason I haven’t done that with the Saw Doctors is that it’s really, really hard to get to the British Isles on a moment’s notice. I simply don’t think I’d put in quite as much effort to see the Lovehammers and Mike Doughty as I would for Local H.[4] And that’s the cut-off.
Either way, here’s the weird thing: in terms of quality, Candlebox surprised me. They did a show that was on par with Local H. The energy was just there. The loudness, surprisingly,[5] was there. But, in the end, my desire to see Candlebox again is pretty low. But there’s no doubt in my mind that I’ll see Toad the Wet Sprocket again if the opportunity arises even though Toad’s show wasn’t quite as inspired. Quite simply, Toad has more songs that I like. As best I can tell that’s the delimiter.
---------------------------
Meanwhile, I took advantage of my concert expertise and was up against the barrier by the beginning of the Candlebox set. This is both a good place to be and a bad place to be. On the good, well, being in front is a positive thing. On the bad, well, everyone wants to be in front. So there’s a lot of jostling.
The over-excited drunk girl population was way higher than I would have expected. The extremely pushy, over-excited drunk girl population was also higher than in my previous experience. So on more than one occasion I ended up having some random girl pushing in to the front next to me to take pictures and dance around and be largely annoying.
Somewhere in the middle of Candlebox’s set an especially annoying variety of drunk girl made her presence known. She was drunk, constantly in motion, kinda-sorta cute in a beer goggles sort of way (I was sober at the time, so she was just massively annoying) and wearing a Mavericks hat with flashing blue LEDs on it.
Also, she kept touching me. Now, I don’t like being touched. I’ve basically gotten over this enough to not be bothered by the incidental contact one experiences at concerts. The thing is, though, if someone is touching me I find it impossible to not focus on the fact that I’m being touched. It’s distracting in every possible way. Again, I can tune it out at concerts as long as it’s just the incidental too many people in one place sort of thing.
She was grabbing my shoulders. This was very high on my do not want list. However, given that she was drunkenly over-excited and it was loud, I figured that telling her to stop wouldn’t get me too far and punching her would be counterproductive. Eventually, though, she did stop. Because the guy next to me let her up against the barrier.
At this point her friend decided to start touching me. Now, her friend was a minor improvement in that she had a Rangers hat with blinking red LEDs and, y’know, baseball. But she also decided that the small of my back made a much better resting place for her hand than my shoulder, which was just plain weird and annoying.
And so but anyway, Candlebox left and came back for an encore. At the beginning of the song I looked at Mavericks hat out of the corner of my eye and saw her starting to lift her shirt. A short while later I turned again just in time to see that she’d lifted her shirt and bra just enough to expose her right nipple.
In all fairness, it was the highest-quality nipple I’ve ever seen at a Candlebox show. Ah, hell, I’ll go so far as to say it’s the best nipple I’ve ever seen at a concert.
Why? Because I’ve never, ever seen that before. I thought it was some sort of urban legend, like getting your kidneys stolen, the chupacabra, or the female orgasm.
To be honest, I’m still not entirely convinced it’s a thing. Because, believe you me, I was basically confused by that moment. Also, I was confused by what came next.
After the show I overheard the girls (there were three in all, including one non-hatted friend) excitedly discussing their adventures. One said, “He totally saw your boobie!”
I’m assuming they were talking about the lead singer of Candlebox and not me. I’m also guessing that he didn’t. And if he did, well, he seemed to be roughly as impressed with the moment as I was. Also, if he was smart, he went and talked to the women standing on the stage side of the barrier after the show, one of whom was approximately 10x more attractive than boob girl.
Either way, it’s now the second strangest thing I’ve seen at a concert. Yes, boob girl, seeing a member of a religious order at a Better than Ezra show still trumps your nipple at a Candlebox show. Congrats.
-------------------------
Meanwhile, here’s the list of live shows I still very much want to see:
Idlewild
Flogging Molly
Our Lady Peace
Matt Nathanson
Green Day
The Fratellis
Lost Immigrants (which will be happening Friday)
And, of course, Soundgarden
Sadly, although both Green Day and Soundgarden will be at Lollapalooza this year, I can’t see traveling back to Chicago and spending the $200 or whatever for a pass. Especially since the next two worthwhile acts are Social D and Cypress Hill. I remember when Lollapalooza was actually good. I still didn’t go then, mostly because I was a giant fucking putz.
-------------------------
Also, if you look to the right you’ll see that I’ve updated my list o’ links. I’ve added a couple blogs that have me on their blogroll to the “Friends of Blog” box. And I added Michael Mock’s blog. I don’t know if I’m on a blogroll over there, but he is a friend of the blog in the most technical possible sense. I’ve also added Ken Pulliam’s “Why I De-Converted from Evangelical Christianity” to my “Blogs of Note” list, along with the always awesome “These Bastards.” “Right Wing Watch” offers a lot of links to the shenanigans of the religious right. And the Texas Freedom Network Insider is good for those who care about the school system situation in the state I now find myself residing in.
Oh, also, Zero Punctuation and Escape to the Movies. Good stuff right there. Yahtzee will tell you why every video game sucks and MovieBob will tell you why every movie is good.
Anyone who feels they should be linked should mention it. I don’t exactly know everyone who links to this here place.
-------------------------
Oh, on a final note: boob girl and her friends couldn't have been more than 24. I have no idea why someone from that age group would be so damn excited about Candlebox.
-------------------------
[1]Especially when the lead singer informed us that “Bliguts” is really about a plumbing problem and “Woodburning” is a song about an arts and crafts project that went horribly wrong, as they so often do. That’s probably only funny if you actually know the songs. So, y’know, go get you some Toad the Wet Sprocket.
[2]It included the most random thing I’ve ever seen at a concert. Big A went with me and at one point he said, “Hey, there’s a friar!” I turned around and, sure as shit, there was a tonsured dude in a robe with a rope belt standing there. Now, Quincy is a Catholic university, so it wouldn’t be entirely unexpected to see a member of a religious order. However, standing in the field house between Better than Ezra and their opening act is unexpected.
Also, I think I might have to clear up an old misunderstanding here. At the time I said, “That’s not a friar, that’s a monk.” As it turns out, I may well have been wrong, as monks live cloistered lives while friars do not. So, y’know, at a Better than Ezra show = probably not a cloistered life. At least, that’s my new theory.
Meanwhile, apparently Catholic schools love them some rock bands. When Seneca was in Dallas a couple months ago they did a show at the University of Dallas.
[3]Oddly, I have no ability to put Pearl Jam or Bad Religion on that list. I saw Bad Religion open for Pearl Jam last year at the United Center. The whole arena show thing kind of throws my scale off, as the show was objectively awesome, but comparing it to being five feet from Roger Clyne in a small venue is comparing apples to goats. And my scale is definitely calibrated in favor of smaller venues.
[4]Bear in mind, I drove to Milwaukee to see Mike Doughty last December when I found out about his four Schuba’s shows after they’d ALL sold out.
[5]I don’t generally expect to be deafened at outdoor shows…
I knew nothing of Cowboy Mouth before the show. Their live show is excellent. They actually won me over with their energy. Then, when they left the stage, I realized, “Y’know, I can’t actually think of any songs I heard just now that I’d ever want to hear again.” Crazy.
Toad the Wet Sprocket, meanwhile, has been on my list of live shows to get around to seeing ever since I discovered they’d re-formed and started touring about a week after they hit Chicago some time in, um, 2006 or 2007ish. They did not disappoint. Although a combination of a bit of rain that delayed the start of the show and Cowboy Mouth deciding to steal an extra ten minutes forced them to cut their set sort. It’s too bad, as they were really the highlight of my evening.[1]
That statement is about to sound really weird.
Candlebox actually put on a damn good show. It was, objectively speaking, a better show than Toad the Wet Sprocket’s. I kind of have a scale of live shows for major bands (with “major” being a liberal term in some cases). My ground floor is Better than Ezra. I saw them in Quincy, IL at Quincy University while I was at WIU.[2] Basically, I enjoyed the Better than Ezra show, but I got what I wanted to out of it. I’d consider seeing Better than Ezra again, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to do so. Below them, then, are any number of shitty opening acts I’ve seen over the years. Slightly above BtE, meanwhile, are the Gin Blossoms, who get the upgrade because they didn’t use a drum machine.
The second-from-the-top level, meanwhile, is occupied by the Saw Doctors and Local H. I’ve never had a bad time at those shows and always look forward to the next time I’ll see any of those bands. At the very top, lest you have any doubts, are Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers. In between the Gin Blossoms and Saw Doctors and Local H is a lot of gray area.[3]
Like, I loved seeing Lucky Boys Confusion at the Double Door and Mike Doughty is great live. I originally put the Lovehammers on par with the Saw Doctors and Local H. But there needs to be a cut off. And I think the cutoff is this: how far would I drive and how many times would I go back? I’ve amply proven my desire to see RCPM and Local H over and over again and the only reason I haven’t done that with the Saw Doctors is that it’s really, really hard to get to the British Isles on a moment’s notice. I simply don’t think I’d put in quite as much effort to see the Lovehammers and Mike Doughty as I would for Local H.[4] And that’s the cut-off.
Either way, here’s the weird thing: in terms of quality, Candlebox surprised me. They did a show that was on par with Local H. The energy was just there. The loudness, surprisingly,[5] was there. But, in the end, my desire to see Candlebox again is pretty low. But there’s no doubt in my mind that I’ll see Toad the Wet Sprocket again if the opportunity arises even though Toad’s show wasn’t quite as inspired. Quite simply, Toad has more songs that I like. As best I can tell that’s the delimiter.
---------------------------
Meanwhile, I took advantage of my concert expertise and was up against the barrier by the beginning of the Candlebox set. This is both a good place to be and a bad place to be. On the good, well, being in front is a positive thing. On the bad, well, everyone wants to be in front. So there’s a lot of jostling.
The over-excited drunk girl population was way higher than I would have expected. The extremely pushy, over-excited drunk girl population was also higher than in my previous experience. So on more than one occasion I ended up having some random girl pushing in to the front next to me to take pictures and dance around and be largely annoying.
Somewhere in the middle of Candlebox’s set an especially annoying variety of drunk girl made her presence known. She was drunk, constantly in motion, kinda-sorta cute in a beer goggles sort of way (I was sober at the time, so she was just massively annoying) and wearing a Mavericks hat with flashing blue LEDs on it.
Also, she kept touching me. Now, I don’t like being touched. I’ve basically gotten over this enough to not be bothered by the incidental contact one experiences at concerts. The thing is, though, if someone is touching me I find it impossible to not focus on the fact that I’m being touched. It’s distracting in every possible way. Again, I can tune it out at concerts as long as it’s just the incidental too many people in one place sort of thing.
She was grabbing my shoulders. This was very high on my do not want list. However, given that she was drunkenly over-excited and it was loud, I figured that telling her to stop wouldn’t get me too far and punching her would be counterproductive. Eventually, though, she did stop. Because the guy next to me let her up against the barrier.
At this point her friend decided to start touching me. Now, her friend was a minor improvement in that she had a Rangers hat with blinking red LEDs and, y’know, baseball. But she also decided that the small of my back made a much better resting place for her hand than my shoulder, which was just plain weird and annoying.
And so but anyway, Candlebox left and came back for an encore. At the beginning of the song I looked at Mavericks hat out of the corner of my eye and saw her starting to lift her shirt. A short while later I turned again just in time to see that she’d lifted her shirt and bra just enough to expose her right nipple.
In all fairness, it was the highest-quality nipple I’ve ever seen at a Candlebox show. Ah, hell, I’ll go so far as to say it’s the best nipple I’ve ever seen at a concert.
Why? Because I’ve never, ever seen that before. I thought it was some sort of urban legend, like getting your kidneys stolen, the chupacabra, or the female orgasm.
To be honest, I’m still not entirely convinced it’s a thing. Because, believe you me, I was basically confused by that moment. Also, I was confused by what came next.
After the show I overheard the girls (there were three in all, including one non-hatted friend) excitedly discussing their adventures. One said, “He totally saw your boobie!”
I’m assuming they were talking about the lead singer of Candlebox and not me. I’m also guessing that he didn’t. And if he did, well, he seemed to be roughly as impressed with the moment as I was. Also, if he was smart, he went and talked to the women standing on the stage side of the barrier after the show, one of whom was approximately 10x more attractive than boob girl.
Either way, it’s now the second strangest thing I’ve seen at a concert. Yes, boob girl, seeing a member of a religious order at a Better than Ezra show still trumps your nipple at a Candlebox show. Congrats.
-------------------------
Meanwhile, here’s the list of live shows I still very much want to see:
Idlewild
Flogging Molly
Our Lady Peace
Matt Nathanson
Green Day
The Fratellis
Lost Immigrants (which will be happening Friday)
And, of course, Soundgarden
Sadly, although both Green Day and Soundgarden will be at Lollapalooza this year, I can’t see traveling back to Chicago and spending the $200 or whatever for a pass. Especially since the next two worthwhile acts are Social D and Cypress Hill. I remember when Lollapalooza was actually good. I still didn’t go then, mostly because I was a giant fucking putz.
-------------------------
Also, if you look to the right you’ll see that I’ve updated my list o’ links. I’ve added a couple blogs that have me on their blogroll to the “Friends of Blog” box. And I added Michael Mock’s blog. I don’t know if I’m on a blogroll over there, but he is a friend of the blog in the most technical possible sense. I’ve also added Ken Pulliam’s “Why I De-Converted from Evangelical Christianity” to my “Blogs of Note” list, along with the always awesome “These Bastards.” “Right Wing Watch” offers a lot of links to the shenanigans of the religious right. And the Texas Freedom Network Insider is good for those who care about the school system situation in the state I now find myself residing in.
Oh, also, Zero Punctuation and Escape to the Movies. Good stuff right there. Yahtzee will tell you why every video game sucks and MovieBob will tell you why every movie is good.
Anyone who feels they should be linked should mention it. I don’t exactly know everyone who links to this here place.
-------------------------
Oh, on a final note: boob girl and her friends couldn't have been more than 24. I have no idea why someone from that age group would be so damn excited about Candlebox.
-------------------------
[1]Especially when the lead singer informed us that “Bliguts” is really about a plumbing problem and “Woodburning” is a song about an arts and crafts project that went horribly wrong, as they so often do. That’s probably only funny if you actually know the songs. So, y’know, go get you some Toad the Wet Sprocket.
[2]It included the most random thing I’ve ever seen at a concert. Big A went with me and at one point he said, “Hey, there’s a friar!” I turned around and, sure as shit, there was a tonsured dude in a robe with a rope belt standing there. Now, Quincy is a Catholic university, so it wouldn’t be entirely unexpected to see a member of a religious order. However, standing in the field house between Better than Ezra and their opening act is unexpected.
Also, I think I might have to clear up an old misunderstanding here. At the time I said, “That’s not a friar, that’s a monk.” As it turns out, I may well have been wrong, as monks live cloistered lives while friars do not. So, y’know, at a Better than Ezra show = probably not a cloistered life. At least, that’s my new theory.
Meanwhile, apparently Catholic schools love them some rock bands. When Seneca was in Dallas a couple months ago they did a show at the University of Dallas.
[3]Oddly, I have no ability to put Pearl Jam or Bad Religion on that list. I saw Bad Religion open for Pearl Jam last year at the United Center. The whole arena show thing kind of throws my scale off, as the show was objectively awesome, but comparing it to being five feet from Roger Clyne in a small venue is comparing apples to goats. And my scale is definitely calibrated in favor of smaller venues.
[4]Bear in mind, I drove to Milwaukee to see Mike Doughty last December when I found out about his four Schuba’s shows after they’d ALL sold out.
[5]I don’t generally expect to be deafened at outdoor shows…
Friday, May 7, 2010
Random Thoughts About Stuff
First, and most importantly, I’ma be at Dallas CityArts Festival on Saturday. Specifically, I’ll be at the Time Warner Stage at noon. Because I’ll be telling a story. Maybe two. I really don’t know. But it will be a non-zero number that probably doesn’t reach three.
Apparently the festival is free but parking is $12. That’s where they get ya’.
--------------------------------
So I’ve decided to go back to church. Apparently there’s a 3:2 ratio of women to men and no real difference in sexual activity between the religious and the non-religious.
Although it seems fundamentalist men report having more sexual partners than non-religious men. Also, it was a survey of college students.
I, uh, I didn’t do a very good job of getting laid in college (or high school. Or grade school. Or last year[1]). And my atheist next-door neighbor in college got WAY more action than I did. So I’m gonna think through this one for a little while.
-------------------------------
Now that we’ve had yet another vocal anti-gay Conservative Christian outed in a hilarious manner, I’ve decided we need to create a new system to make sure everyone knows where the vocally anti-gay leaders currently are. It’s a simple numbering system:
1. Not Yet Outed
2. Offically Outed
3. “Relapse” in 5…4…3…
So say you’re reading a newspaper article. It will say something like, “Ted Haggard(3) is back in the news thanks to Dr. George Rekers(2).”
Now, the thing to be aware of is that this doesn’t necessarily apply to all Conservative Christians. Nor does it even apply to all Christians who aren’t so fond of teh gay. It’s important to note that there’s a specific correlation between vocally and publically anti-gay and being found with a guy who advertises the size of his cock on an awesomely high-class website.[2]
Also, if you’ve got a guy talking about how powerful and alluring the gay lifestyle is and that we must resist this scheme of the Devil, that guy definitely deserves a number. Because he most certainly does not know how a straight guy thinks. See, your average straight guy looks at another guy and thinks, “Hey, look, it’s another guy.” If you were to suggest to that straight guy that this other guy is about to take his pants off and start a party, that straight guy will immediately start thinking things like, “Oh, um, I think I forgot about that load of laundry that I just remembered I have to do.”
See, teh gay is only a powerfully alluring lifestyle if you happen to find people of your own gender sexually attractive. If you don’t, then you won’t be lead astray.
---------------------------------
This, really, is one of those things I genuinely don’t get. People’s idea of sexuality is just fucked up. Especially the really out-there fundamentalist religious types.
I mean, seriously. I have been basically flat-out offered sex. I’ve also had at least one really manipulative but not-quite-obvious offer that I know of. I’m also aware of a few other situations that could have fairly easily turned in to an offer (well, “fairly easily” being relative. It requires an assumption that I wouldn’t do something massively stupid, which is probably not the bet you should ever take in that situation). Apparently, as a guy, I’m supposed to be trying to stick it in anything that moves. Yet I have not done so even with offers on the table because I didn’t really want to with the person in question.
Apparently this should mean I’m not a man or something. I don’t get it.
Also, I’m guessing that has to be hard on/confusing for the woman in question. I mean, let’s say that she’s taken to heart the idea that men are irrepressible horndogs who constantly want sex. So she comes to me and says, “Hey…wanna go mess around?”
And I say, “No.” Now, I could simply be not attracted to this person. I could be attracted to her, but also see absolutely no relationship potential, and since I’m not a big fan of the one-night stand, I’m just saying, “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
However, since I’m supposed to be completely unable to control my sexual urges, by saying, “No,” the message I give is potentially one of two things: “You’re hideously disgusting,” or, “I’m gay.”[3]
Unhelpful sexual stereotypes are unhelpful to everyone. There’s really no way around it.
-----------------------------
Also, last weekend's odd little foray back in to Christian music has proven to be oddly therapeutic. When I left the church I put all that stuff away with the intention of never listening to it again. But having listened to a bunch of Andrew Peterson and Kepano Green over the last few days I'm realizing that all of my reasons to not want to listen to it are basically moot. I don't get that emotional, worship music rush any more.
Meanwhile, I noticed a strange side benefit. I really like Matt Nathanson's Beneath These Fireworks. I unfortunately managed to make a nearly 100% association between that album and a certain member of the female gender.[4] I have been unable to really listen to Beneath These Fireworks because of said associations. I played it this week and realized that those emotional associations had subsided considerably.
-----------------------------
[1]For the record, and since you didn’t ask, I have had offers. They were just offers I could refuse.
[2]I really think the rentboy folks need to get on the horn with Newegg. I mean, think of the sorting possibilities. Start with height and build, then go on to important measurements. After that you can sort by activities (y’know, luggage lifting, picture hanging, nothing dirty. You’re just hiring some help. Some muscular, shirtless help. And I know I certainly felt better when my moving company sent me videos of my movers playing with themselves as part of the bid process. It really helped build that all-important trust I needed as a guy who was nervous about letting strangers pick up his shit and drive it a thousand miles…)
[3]I actually worked with a woman in college who thought I was gay for the first couple months I knew her. Ironically enough, it turned out she was a lesbian, but I’d never considered that possibility. However, I did meet her girlfriend, who was basically a sitcom stereotype of a lesbian. I totally didn’t put the two together, though.
It’s not so much that I don’t have a gaydar, it’s that I’m unconcerned about the sexual preferences of other people unless it’s someone that I would theoretically want to have sex with. I worked with a gay guy for several months before someone explicitly pointed it out to me, at which point I wasn’t at all surprised. Later on a co-worker made reference to a someone I worked with being quiet about being gay and I said, “Oh, you mean [that guy].” She said, “No, everyone knows about him. I’m talking about [other guy].” At which point I thought, “Oh, duh. That should have been pretty obvious.”
[4]If you really, really want to know, it's the most deeply autobiographical moment of this post from the story that caused me to want to launch The Repository.
Apparently the festival is free but parking is $12. That’s where they get ya’.
--------------------------------
So I’ve decided to go back to church. Apparently there’s a 3:2 ratio of women to men and no real difference in sexual activity between the religious and the non-religious.
Although it seems fundamentalist men report having more sexual partners than non-religious men. Also, it was a survey of college students.
I, uh, I didn’t do a very good job of getting laid in college (or high school. Or grade school. Or last year[1]). And my atheist next-door neighbor in college got WAY more action than I did. So I’m gonna think through this one for a little while.
-------------------------------
Now that we’ve had yet another vocal anti-gay Conservative Christian outed in a hilarious manner, I’ve decided we need to create a new system to make sure everyone knows where the vocally anti-gay leaders currently are. It’s a simple numbering system:
1. Not Yet Outed
2. Offically Outed
3. “Relapse” in 5…4…3…
So say you’re reading a newspaper article. It will say something like, “Ted Haggard(3) is back in the news thanks to Dr. George Rekers(2).”
Now, the thing to be aware of is that this doesn’t necessarily apply to all Conservative Christians. Nor does it even apply to all Christians who aren’t so fond of teh gay. It’s important to note that there’s a specific correlation between vocally and publically anti-gay and being found with a guy who advertises the size of his cock on an awesomely high-class website.[2]
Also, if you’ve got a guy talking about how powerful and alluring the gay lifestyle is and that we must resist this scheme of the Devil, that guy definitely deserves a number. Because he most certainly does not know how a straight guy thinks. See, your average straight guy looks at another guy and thinks, “Hey, look, it’s another guy.” If you were to suggest to that straight guy that this other guy is about to take his pants off and start a party, that straight guy will immediately start thinking things like, “Oh, um, I think I forgot about that load of laundry that I just remembered I have to do.”
See, teh gay is only a powerfully alluring lifestyle if you happen to find people of your own gender sexually attractive. If you don’t, then you won’t be lead astray.
---------------------------------
This, really, is one of those things I genuinely don’t get. People’s idea of sexuality is just fucked up. Especially the really out-there fundamentalist religious types.
I mean, seriously. I have been basically flat-out offered sex. I’ve also had at least one really manipulative but not-quite-obvious offer that I know of. I’m also aware of a few other situations that could have fairly easily turned in to an offer (well, “fairly easily” being relative. It requires an assumption that I wouldn’t do something massively stupid, which is probably not the bet you should ever take in that situation). Apparently, as a guy, I’m supposed to be trying to stick it in anything that moves. Yet I have not done so even with offers on the table because I didn’t really want to with the person in question.
Apparently this should mean I’m not a man or something. I don’t get it.
Also, I’m guessing that has to be hard on/confusing for the woman in question. I mean, let’s say that she’s taken to heart the idea that men are irrepressible horndogs who constantly want sex. So she comes to me and says, “Hey…wanna go mess around?”
And I say, “No.” Now, I could simply be not attracted to this person. I could be attracted to her, but also see absolutely no relationship potential, and since I’m not a big fan of the one-night stand, I’m just saying, “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
However, since I’m supposed to be completely unable to control my sexual urges, by saying, “No,” the message I give is potentially one of two things: “You’re hideously disgusting,” or, “I’m gay.”[3]
Unhelpful sexual stereotypes are unhelpful to everyone. There’s really no way around it.
-----------------------------
Also, last weekend's odd little foray back in to Christian music has proven to be oddly therapeutic. When I left the church I put all that stuff away with the intention of never listening to it again. But having listened to a bunch of Andrew Peterson and Kepano Green over the last few days I'm realizing that all of my reasons to not want to listen to it are basically moot. I don't get that emotional, worship music rush any more.
Meanwhile, I noticed a strange side benefit. I really like Matt Nathanson's Beneath These Fireworks. I unfortunately managed to make a nearly 100% association between that album and a certain member of the female gender.[4] I have been unable to really listen to Beneath These Fireworks because of said associations. I played it this week and realized that those emotional associations had subsided considerably.
-----------------------------
[1]For the record, and since you didn’t ask, I have had offers. They were just offers I could refuse.
[2]I really think the rentboy folks need to get on the horn with Newegg. I mean, think of the sorting possibilities. Start with height and build, then go on to important measurements. After that you can sort by activities (y’know, luggage lifting, picture hanging, nothing dirty. You’re just hiring some help. Some muscular, shirtless help. And I know I certainly felt better when my moving company sent me videos of my movers playing with themselves as part of the bid process. It really helped build that all-important trust I needed as a guy who was nervous about letting strangers pick up his shit and drive it a thousand miles…)
[3]I actually worked with a woman in college who thought I was gay for the first couple months I knew her. Ironically enough, it turned out she was a lesbian, but I’d never considered that possibility. However, I did meet her girlfriend, who was basically a sitcom stereotype of a lesbian. I totally didn’t put the two together, though.
It’s not so much that I don’t have a gaydar, it’s that I’m unconcerned about the sexual preferences of other people unless it’s someone that I would theoretically want to have sex with. I worked with a gay guy for several months before someone explicitly pointed it out to me, at which point I wasn’t at all surprised. Later on a co-worker made reference to a someone I worked with being quiet about being gay and I said, “Oh, you mean [that guy].” She said, “No, everyone knows about him. I’m talking about [other guy].” At which point I thought, “Oh, duh. That should have been pretty obvious.”
[4]If you really, really want to know, it's the most deeply autobiographical moment of this post from the story that caused me to want to launch The Repository.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
"Collateral Murder" and the Problem of Framing
I figure by now you’ve probably seen a video making the rounds called “Collateral Murder.” It’s simple and straightforward and shows the cold-blooded murder of civilians and reporters at the hands of American soldiers in Iraq. Specifically Americans at the controls of AH-64 Apache attack helicopters.
Oh. And children. They shot children, too.
It’s quite chilling, really. The sort of thing that that’s simultaneously revolting and fascinating. It’s also the sort of thing that brings together disparate ends of the internet. I saw the 18 minute video on Slacktivist the day after it was posted on Pharyngula. That should tell you something right there.
As with any such thing the first round of responses we get to “Collateral Murder” were universal horror. People were angry. People were calling for blood. Then we got some responses saying that everyone should calm down. They didn’t know the whole story, these other voices claimed. These second voices were quickly shot down. No one wants to listen to a murder apologist, after all.
This, for the record, is the internet in microcosm. Something happens and it makes it on to the web. People rush in to attack. Others show up to defend. Then the two sides start arguing with each other over who is right and who is wrong. In the end, no one actually learns much and no opinions are changed.
I was horrified by what I saw in “Collateral Murder.” Quite frankly, I still am. Let me walk you through.
The video starts with a grainy, black-and-white Apache gun cam focused on a group of people in a street. They’re just kind of milling about. It’s obvious that there’s some sort of meeting going on. The video then helpfully points out the Reuters reporters who are the subject of the video and the camera equipment mis-identified as RPGs. There are also AK-47s, but we can basically ignore them.* The problem, as “Collateral Murder” points out over and over again, is that there aren’t any RPGs. That’s camera equipment.
The pilots request permission to fire on the gathering and claim they have drawn fire, which does not appear to be the case. Still, permission is granted and 30mm cannon fire rains down on the little knot of people. Only one person is still moving afterwards.
This brings up part two. A van arrives. The people in the van get out and move to help the sole survivor of the attack. They do not take defensive precautions against the Apaches. If anything, they appear completely oblivious. The video also helpfully points out that two figures moving inside the van are children.
Permission to fire is again requested. After a delay its granted and the helicopters open up on the van.
Now we get to part three. American ground forces arrive and discover that there were, indeed, children in the van. Someone says, “Well, they shouldn’t have brought their children to a battle.”
“Collateral Murder” ends shortly after that with a reminder that the Pentagon tried to cover the incident up.
Again, this is horrifying. It’s an indication of the truly despicable actions the United States engages in while fighting colonial wars on the other side of the world.
Before I go any further, I feel the need to make something clear. Fred Clark puts it best: you’re not allowed to kill civilians. Period. Full stop. No ifs, ands, or buts.
There is such a thing as “collateral damage.” That’s the bit where people who shouldn’t be killed happen to get caught in a blast radius intended for others. It’s also what happens when bombs are targeted at the wrong place. This is unfortunate. It’s also, sadly, a reality of war. “Collateral damage” cannot be called “murder,” as murder implies premeditation.
What we have in “Collateral Murder” appears to be murder, however. Pilots opened fire on non-combatant civilians in the absence a clear and present danger.
At least, that’s what the video wants you to believe. Reality is not quite so cut and dry.
Let me walk you through my response to “Collateral Murder.” I saw it. I was horrified. Once I got over my initial revulsion I started to try to figure out how, exactly, the actions of the pilots could be justified.
I considered, first of all, the possibility that the mis-identification of the camera equipment as RPGs was honest. I still couldn’t see how there was any possibility that the people in the gun camera were an imminent danger to the helicopters or American ground troops. They were just milling around in the middle of a street. This is not good form for setting an ambush. Still, we have to bear in mind that there are a lot of people in Baghdad who want to set ambushes and the video was taken in 2007 during the Surge. Things were bad in Baghdad then. Well, bad-er.
Second, though, I considered the van. This was the one that bugged me. The people in the van appeared to be doing nothing but attempting to provide humanitarian aid. Even in the absence of identifying that there were children in the van, the vehicle did not appear to take anything even closely approximating a threatening posture. If anything, the van people seemed completely oblivious to the fact that the helicopters were loitering and focused entirely on helping an injured man.
Now, you can turn this around. If the pilots genuinely thought they were firing on insurgents originally, then it’s not a stretch to believe they genuinely thought they were firing on reinforcements. If you take Assumption A, then Assumption B follows quite easily. “Collateral Murder” becomes “Tragic Case of Mistaken Identity Exacerbated by Continued Mistakes.”
Even so, I cannot watch that part of the video and see the van operating in any way other than that of an ambulance. And you do not fire on ambulances, even if they’re helping your enemy. This is simply not done.
Third, I considered that, again, this whole sordid affair is done in the absence of any real, credible threat to anyone from the street below.
Fourth, there’s the simple fact that cover-ups have a bad habit of making the parties doing the covering look really fucking guilty.
Then Big A watched the full video of the incident, not the 18 minute “Collateral Murder” segment. His conclusion was that things were not as they seemed. And here we come to the crux of the problem.
See, the people behind “Collateral Murder” have a story they want to tell. This story they want to tell is set against a larger story. The smaller story is that American troops are carelessly killing innocent Iraqis. The larger story is that the US is in Iraq as part of a larger set of imperial ambitions and it should be stopped.
This is set against a different story, however. This is the official White House and Pentagon story that the war has been one of liberation and everything is going quite well and everyone’s all happy because we liberated the Iraqi people and made everything better for them.
“Collateral Murder” undermines the official story. Blows it out of the water, really. It’s just too bad that in“Collateral Murder’s” own zeal to tell its story it actually undermines itself.
The fact is that members of the United States military killed people who weren’t doing anything to endanger American troops. The fact is that attempts were then made to cover up the incident and claim that this was actually a battle and not a slaughter. Moreover, the fact is that this was an extremely avoidable situation.
See, the helicopter pilots were looking for reasons to pull the trigger. They were given clearance to do so by their superiors under the Rules of Engagement in place at the time. They then treated a van full of people, including children, as enemy combatants because the people in the van were rendering aid to people who had already been deemed enemy combatants. No rules were broken.
This is a problem. We need new rules. We need more circumspection in deciding who should be shot and who shouldn’t. This video could be a powerful reminder. It could also be a powerful reminder that war is a shitty, shitty thing to bring to other people.
That bit where the injury of the children was dismissed with the words, “They shouldn’t have brought their kids to a battle?” There’s a simple response to that: “We shouldn’t have brought a battlefield to their neighborhood. We shouldn’t have allowed our politicians to goad us in to supporting a war based on nothing.
See, we wouldn’t be singing that tune if there were Iraqi helicopters firing on minivans full of kids in San Francisco or Boston. We wouldn’t be saying, “Oops, shouldn’t have brought the kids.” We’d be saying, “Why did you bring your violence here?”
In editing the video to create 18 minutes of thoughtless, senseless slaughter, the makers of “Collateral Murder” ruined that message. Because there’s a larger context to that video that shows that things were a lot messier than that.
There were Americans on the ground nearby. They’d been shot at by insurgents. The helicopter pilots caught sight of someone with an RPG near the group of noncombatants and started asking for permission to open fire without spending enough time properly identifying their targets. They then compounded the problem when they assumed that the people helping the “insurgents” were, themselves, insurgents and, therefore, viable targets.
Then, of course, there was that bit about the cover-up. Cover-ups are bad. Especially the bits after they’re uncovered.
But “Collateral Murder” is, itself, a cover-up. It covers up the larger context of nearby insurgents firing on nearby American troops in favor of its own narrative about trigger-happy helo pilots.
It’s too bad, too. There could have been a real learning moment. The, "America never fucks up," crowd could have gotten an education on the general messiness of war. The, "Soldiers are trigger-happy killers," could have gotten an education on what happens when mistakes are made in the heat of battle, especially when the goal is to keep Americans from getting killed. Loveseat warriors who have never gotten closer to war than Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 could have learned that in the real world the bad guys aren't conveniently tagged.
Mostly, though, we could have learned that kids get caught in the crossfire when we bring war to their front doors, so maybe it would be a good idea to think about that while we rattle our sabers at Iran over that nuclear program that's been on schedule to deliver weapons "next year" since the eighties.
Instead we just get more internet rhetoric. Then again, there are a lot of people who seem to think those are meaningful.
-
*Possession of an AK-47 is not so much a problem in Iraq, for the record. Everyone is permitted to own one. For the record, anyone who knows me knows that I do not own guns and have no intention of changing that. This is a stance based on my general ambivalence towards guns and not any anti-gun stance. However, I can assure you that if I wake up tomorrow and find I’ve been mysteriously transported to Baghdad in the night, my very first errand would involve a run to Kalashnikovs R Us.
Oh. And children. They shot children, too.
It’s quite chilling, really. The sort of thing that that’s simultaneously revolting and fascinating. It’s also the sort of thing that brings together disparate ends of the internet. I saw the 18 minute video on Slacktivist the day after it was posted on Pharyngula. That should tell you something right there.
As with any such thing the first round of responses we get to “Collateral Murder” were universal horror. People were angry. People were calling for blood. Then we got some responses saying that everyone should calm down. They didn’t know the whole story, these other voices claimed. These second voices were quickly shot down. No one wants to listen to a murder apologist, after all.
This, for the record, is the internet in microcosm. Something happens and it makes it on to the web. People rush in to attack. Others show up to defend. Then the two sides start arguing with each other over who is right and who is wrong. In the end, no one actually learns much and no opinions are changed.
I was horrified by what I saw in “Collateral Murder.” Quite frankly, I still am. Let me walk you through.
The video starts with a grainy, black-and-white Apache gun cam focused on a group of people in a street. They’re just kind of milling about. It’s obvious that there’s some sort of meeting going on. The video then helpfully points out the Reuters reporters who are the subject of the video and the camera equipment mis-identified as RPGs. There are also AK-47s, but we can basically ignore them.* The problem, as “Collateral Murder” points out over and over again, is that there aren’t any RPGs. That’s camera equipment.
The pilots request permission to fire on the gathering and claim they have drawn fire, which does not appear to be the case. Still, permission is granted and 30mm cannon fire rains down on the little knot of people. Only one person is still moving afterwards.
This brings up part two. A van arrives. The people in the van get out and move to help the sole survivor of the attack. They do not take defensive precautions against the Apaches. If anything, they appear completely oblivious. The video also helpfully points out that two figures moving inside the van are children.
Permission to fire is again requested. After a delay its granted and the helicopters open up on the van.
Now we get to part three. American ground forces arrive and discover that there were, indeed, children in the van. Someone says, “Well, they shouldn’t have brought their children to a battle.”
“Collateral Murder” ends shortly after that with a reminder that the Pentagon tried to cover the incident up.
Again, this is horrifying. It’s an indication of the truly despicable actions the United States engages in while fighting colonial wars on the other side of the world.
Before I go any further, I feel the need to make something clear. Fred Clark puts it best: you’re not allowed to kill civilians. Period. Full stop. No ifs, ands, or buts.
There is such a thing as “collateral damage.” That’s the bit where people who shouldn’t be killed happen to get caught in a blast radius intended for others. It’s also what happens when bombs are targeted at the wrong place. This is unfortunate. It’s also, sadly, a reality of war. “Collateral damage” cannot be called “murder,” as murder implies premeditation.
What we have in “Collateral Murder” appears to be murder, however. Pilots opened fire on non-combatant civilians in the absence a clear and present danger.
At least, that’s what the video wants you to believe. Reality is not quite so cut and dry.
Let me walk you through my response to “Collateral Murder.” I saw it. I was horrified. Once I got over my initial revulsion I started to try to figure out how, exactly, the actions of the pilots could be justified.
I considered, first of all, the possibility that the mis-identification of the camera equipment as RPGs was honest. I still couldn’t see how there was any possibility that the people in the gun camera were an imminent danger to the helicopters or American ground troops. They were just milling around in the middle of a street. This is not good form for setting an ambush. Still, we have to bear in mind that there are a lot of people in Baghdad who want to set ambushes and the video was taken in 2007 during the Surge. Things were bad in Baghdad then. Well, bad-er.
Second, though, I considered the van. This was the one that bugged me. The people in the van appeared to be doing nothing but attempting to provide humanitarian aid. Even in the absence of identifying that there were children in the van, the vehicle did not appear to take anything even closely approximating a threatening posture. If anything, the van people seemed completely oblivious to the fact that the helicopters were loitering and focused entirely on helping an injured man.
Now, you can turn this around. If the pilots genuinely thought they were firing on insurgents originally, then it’s not a stretch to believe they genuinely thought they were firing on reinforcements. If you take Assumption A, then Assumption B follows quite easily. “Collateral Murder” becomes “Tragic Case of Mistaken Identity Exacerbated by Continued Mistakes.”
Even so, I cannot watch that part of the video and see the van operating in any way other than that of an ambulance. And you do not fire on ambulances, even if they’re helping your enemy. This is simply not done.
Third, I considered that, again, this whole sordid affair is done in the absence of any real, credible threat to anyone from the street below.
Fourth, there’s the simple fact that cover-ups have a bad habit of making the parties doing the covering look really fucking guilty.
Then Big A watched the full video of the incident, not the 18 minute “Collateral Murder” segment. His conclusion was that things were not as they seemed. And here we come to the crux of the problem.
See, the people behind “Collateral Murder” have a story they want to tell. This story they want to tell is set against a larger story. The smaller story is that American troops are carelessly killing innocent Iraqis. The larger story is that the US is in Iraq as part of a larger set of imperial ambitions and it should be stopped.
This is set against a different story, however. This is the official White House and Pentagon story that the war has been one of liberation and everything is going quite well and everyone’s all happy because we liberated the Iraqi people and made everything better for them.
“Collateral Murder” undermines the official story. Blows it out of the water, really. It’s just too bad that in“Collateral Murder’s” own zeal to tell its story it actually undermines itself.
The fact is that members of the United States military killed people who weren’t doing anything to endanger American troops. The fact is that attempts were then made to cover up the incident and claim that this was actually a battle and not a slaughter. Moreover, the fact is that this was an extremely avoidable situation.
See, the helicopter pilots were looking for reasons to pull the trigger. They were given clearance to do so by their superiors under the Rules of Engagement in place at the time. They then treated a van full of people, including children, as enemy combatants because the people in the van were rendering aid to people who had already been deemed enemy combatants. No rules were broken.
This is a problem. We need new rules. We need more circumspection in deciding who should be shot and who shouldn’t. This video could be a powerful reminder. It could also be a powerful reminder that war is a shitty, shitty thing to bring to other people.
That bit where the injury of the children was dismissed with the words, “They shouldn’t have brought their kids to a battle?” There’s a simple response to that: “We shouldn’t have brought a battlefield to their neighborhood. We shouldn’t have allowed our politicians to goad us in to supporting a war based on nothing.
See, we wouldn’t be singing that tune if there were Iraqi helicopters firing on minivans full of kids in San Francisco or Boston. We wouldn’t be saying, “Oops, shouldn’t have brought the kids.” We’d be saying, “Why did you bring your violence here?”
In editing the video to create 18 minutes of thoughtless, senseless slaughter, the makers of “Collateral Murder” ruined that message. Because there’s a larger context to that video that shows that things were a lot messier than that.
There were Americans on the ground nearby. They’d been shot at by insurgents. The helicopter pilots caught sight of someone with an RPG near the group of noncombatants and started asking for permission to open fire without spending enough time properly identifying their targets. They then compounded the problem when they assumed that the people helping the “insurgents” were, themselves, insurgents and, therefore, viable targets.
Then, of course, there was that bit about the cover-up. Cover-ups are bad. Especially the bits after they’re uncovered.
But “Collateral Murder” is, itself, a cover-up. It covers up the larger context of nearby insurgents firing on nearby American troops in favor of its own narrative about trigger-happy helo pilots.
It’s too bad, too. There could have been a real learning moment. The, "America never fucks up," crowd could have gotten an education on the general messiness of war. The, "Soldiers are trigger-happy killers," could have gotten an education on what happens when mistakes are made in the heat of battle, especially when the goal is to keep Americans from getting killed. Loveseat warriors who have never gotten closer to war than Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 could have learned that in the real world the bad guys aren't conveniently tagged.
Mostly, though, we could have learned that kids get caught in the crossfire when we bring war to their front doors, so maybe it would be a good idea to think about that while we rattle our sabers at Iran over that nuclear program that's been on schedule to deliver weapons "next year" since the eighties.
Instead we just get more internet rhetoric. Then again, there are a lot of people who seem to think those are meaningful.
-
*Possession of an AK-47 is not so much a problem in Iraq, for the record. Everyone is permitted to own one. For the record, anyone who knows me knows that I do not own guns and have no intention of changing that. This is a stance based on my general ambivalence towards guns and not any anti-gun stance. However, I can assure you that if I wake up tomorrow and find I’ve been mysteriously transported to Baghdad in the night, my very first errand would involve a run to Kalashnikovs R Us.
Monday, April 5, 2010
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
That's right. Opening Day at the Cellblock.
Sadly, I'm within spitting distance of the Ballpark at Arlington. But I've already got the six games the Palehose will play down here on my White Sox wall calendar. And today I signed up for MLB.tv Premium. A hundred and twenty bucks for every ballgame played this year with the home or away broadcast. In High-Def. And I can watch the games live or download them to watch later.
That beats the crap out of upping my Dish package last season just to get Comcost Sports Net...
Also, with an Opening Day roster that contains Paul Konerko, Freddy Garcia, Omar Vizquel, Andruw Jones, Juan Pierre, and Jermaine Dye, the White Sox have real potential to be the best team of the year. Assuming we've recently hopped in the Hot Tub Time Machine and gone back to 2003.
Still...
Baseball, baby. Baseball.
Also, I find it funny that I care more about April Fool's Day and the Home Opener than I did about whatever those holidays were in between. What a difference a few years makes.
Sadly, I'm within spitting distance of the Ballpark at Arlington. But I've already got the six games the Palehose will play down here on my White Sox wall calendar. And today I signed up for MLB.tv Premium. A hundred and twenty bucks for every ballgame played this year with the home or away broadcast. In High-Def. And I can watch the games live or download them to watch later.
That beats the crap out of upping my Dish package last season just to get Comcost Sports Net...
Also, with an Opening Day roster that contains Paul Konerko, Freddy Garcia, Omar Vizquel, Andruw Jones, Juan Pierre, and Jermaine Dye, the White Sox have real potential to be the best team of the year. Assuming we've recently hopped in the Hot Tub Time Machine and gone back to 2003.
Still...
Baseball, baby. Baseball.
Also, I find it funny that I care more about April Fool's Day and the Home Opener than I did about whatever those holidays were in between. What a difference a few years makes.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Important Announcement
I’ve been hesitant to bring this up, since I’ve spent the last couple years working to establish my voice amongst the chorus of the internet skeptical community, but a major change has occurred in my life and I feel I can’t continue pretending any more. I know that this will probably result in quite a bit of anger directed towards me, but it’s the sort of thing I’ve come to expect from the internet in general and the self-congratulatory “enlightened” skeptical community in particular. Still, I hope that those who have come to read my blog will continue to do so, as I hope to be able to use this blog to offer hope and solace in the coming days.
In order to properly understand what I am talking about, I believe you need to understand the complete story.
See, many years ago I believed God had called me in to the ministry. I believed god had also called me to attend Dallas Theological Seminary to get my M.Div. But that plan was derailed when I went for my undergraduate degree.
I made a choice, but not one of faith. I was worried about paying for college, so I chose to go to a state school rather than rely on God to provide the funds for me to attend a Christian school. The Bible tells us that when we rely on our own understanding instead of relying on God’s we lose His divine protection and He removes the “hedge of protection” that surrounds us and protects us from the schemes of the Devil.
And I now realize that the Devil got to me at Western Illinois University. I was enthralled by that liberal institution. Worse, the only group of Christians I could find to fellowship with were, themselves, the wrong kind of Christian. They did not follow Jesus in the right way and, as such, did not present a proper witness to the glory of God. Because of this I drifted away. It is important to be refreshed by the Spirit of the Lord daily, and it’s very hard to get that refreshment without others to surround and help you. The Bible says that “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another,” after all.
God tried to keep me in the fold. He sent a wonderful woman in to my life who made it very clear she could not be with me if I wasn’t going to remain in the fold. He had my friends from church track me down even after I’d made it clear I wanted nothing to do with the church. Such is the passionate, constant love of God that pursues us, even in to the Valley of the Shadow of Death.
The problem was that I would not listen. Leaning still on my own, fallible, human understanding I wandered farther and farther in to that Valley. So, finally, God did the one thing that could possibly get my attention.
He sent me to Dallas.
Really, when I think about it, there’s no way that I could have possibly ended up here if it weren’t the will of God. The circumstances by which I got my job are filled with many “coincidences.” The fact that my company had offices in Dallas, but nowhere else in the country outside of Chicago also couldn’t possibly have been anything other than the work of God. And, of course, the fact that my company saw fit to send my job specifically to Dallas couldn’t have been mere happenstance, either.
I decided I’d better start listening to God again once I got down here. I asked Him to send me to a church.
The first weekend I was here I asked God to lead me to a church. I got on the road on Sunday morning and headed in the direction of a couple churches I’d seen the day before. The first one just didn’t seem right, neither did the second. The third was Catholic, so it didn’t count. Then I turned a corner and saw a Bible Church and literally felt God say, “Go there.”
I walked in during the sermon. The pastor was giving a message entitled, “Lean Not on Your Own Understanding.” I knew right then and there that there was a reason I was there.
The next week I met an amazing woman named Emma. She invited me to a mid-week Bible study and afterwards we went out for ice cream. The following week the pastor had an altar call and I went up to re-dedicate my life to Christ. After the service Emma told me that she’d been praying for me. I said, “I know.” The smile on her face could have lit the entire room.
As it turns out, Emma’s father is a professor at Dallas Theological Seminary. I’ve taken that as a sign and am working on my application to the school for the Fall term. This may force me to quit my job, but I am certain that God has plans in place for me and will bless me in this decision.
Emma and I have also realized that God put us in each others’ lives for a reason, too. Last Saturday I asked her father for permission to ask for her hand in marriage, then after church on Sunday I asked her to marry me. She said yes.
I couldn’t share this joyous news with my wider circle of friends until I was able to inform my family. But I suppose it’s fitting that I was able to make the announcement on this particular day, seeing as how it’s Maundy Thursday and tomorrow is Good Friday.
Either way, I’m excited, I’m a little frightened, but I’m mostly confident, especially since the risen Savior is once again in command of my life.
I plan on keeping Accidental Historian up in hopes that I can use my story as a tool to witness and bring more glory to God. But there will be a few changes. I’m going to refrain from the use of four-letter words. I will no longer glorify the consumption of alcohol. I will continue to write my After the Flood posts, but the focus will now be to show how Bill Cooper is correct and the Devil has been clouding the minds of historians through the evil practice of post-modernism.
And to the members of the Accidental Historian Appreciation Society: Dallas Area Chapter, I’d like to offer my sincere apologies. I hate to think that my witness to you has been tainted by the way I have misrepresented myself to you. It is but a weakness of the flesh and a temptation of the Devil. Please know that you are all in my and Emma’s prayers and we’re hoping that God will be able to use this time to bring you back to His loving arms as He has me.
God bless.
In order to properly understand what I am talking about, I believe you need to understand the complete story.
See, many years ago I believed God had called me in to the ministry. I believed god had also called me to attend Dallas Theological Seminary to get my M.Div. But that plan was derailed when I went for my undergraduate degree.
I made a choice, but not one of faith. I was worried about paying for college, so I chose to go to a state school rather than rely on God to provide the funds for me to attend a Christian school. The Bible tells us that when we rely on our own understanding instead of relying on God’s we lose His divine protection and He removes the “hedge of protection” that surrounds us and protects us from the schemes of the Devil.
And I now realize that the Devil got to me at Western Illinois University. I was enthralled by that liberal institution. Worse, the only group of Christians I could find to fellowship with were, themselves, the wrong kind of Christian. They did not follow Jesus in the right way and, as such, did not present a proper witness to the glory of God. Because of this I drifted away. It is important to be refreshed by the Spirit of the Lord daily, and it’s very hard to get that refreshment without others to surround and help you. The Bible says that “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another,” after all.
God tried to keep me in the fold. He sent a wonderful woman in to my life who made it very clear she could not be with me if I wasn’t going to remain in the fold. He had my friends from church track me down even after I’d made it clear I wanted nothing to do with the church. Such is the passionate, constant love of God that pursues us, even in to the Valley of the Shadow of Death.
The problem was that I would not listen. Leaning still on my own, fallible, human understanding I wandered farther and farther in to that Valley. So, finally, God did the one thing that could possibly get my attention.
He sent me to Dallas.
Really, when I think about it, there’s no way that I could have possibly ended up here if it weren’t the will of God. The circumstances by which I got my job are filled with many “coincidences.” The fact that my company had offices in Dallas, but nowhere else in the country outside of Chicago also couldn’t possibly have been anything other than the work of God. And, of course, the fact that my company saw fit to send my job specifically to Dallas couldn’t have been mere happenstance, either.
I decided I’d better start listening to God again once I got down here. I asked Him to send me to a church.
The first weekend I was here I asked God to lead me to a church. I got on the road on Sunday morning and headed in the direction of a couple churches I’d seen the day before. The first one just didn’t seem right, neither did the second. The third was Catholic, so it didn’t count. Then I turned a corner and saw a Bible Church and literally felt God say, “Go there.”
I walked in during the sermon. The pastor was giving a message entitled, “Lean Not on Your Own Understanding.” I knew right then and there that there was a reason I was there.
The next week I met an amazing woman named Emma. She invited me to a mid-week Bible study and afterwards we went out for ice cream. The following week the pastor had an altar call and I went up to re-dedicate my life to Christ. After the service Emma told me that she’d been praying for me. I said, “I know.” The smile on her face could have lit the entire room.
As it turns out, Emma’s father is a professor at Dallas Theological Seminary. I’ve taken that as a sign and am working on my application to the school for the Fall term. This may force me to quit my job, but I am certain that God has plans in place for me and will bless me in this decision.
Emma and I have also realized that God put us in each others’ lives for a reason, too. Last Saturday I asked her father for permission to ask for her hand in marriage, then after church on Sunday I asked her to marry me. She said yes.
I couldn’t share this joyous news with my wider circle of friends until I was able to inform my family. But I suppose it’s fitting that I was able to make the announcement on this particular day, seeing as how it’s Maundy Thursday and tomorrow is Good Friday.
Either way, I’m excited, I’m a little frightened, but I’m mostly confident, especially since the risen Savior is once again in command of my life.
I plan on keeping Accidental Historian up in hopes that I can use my story as a tool to witness and bring more glory to God. But there will be a few changes. I’m going to refrain from the use of four-letter words. I will no longer glorify the consumption of alcohol. I will continue to write my After the Flood posts, but the focus will now be to show how Bill Cooper is correct and the Devil has been clouding the minds of historians through the evil practice of post-modernism.
And to the members of the Accidental Historian Appreciation Society: Dallas Area Chapter, I’d like to offer my sincere apologies. I hate to think that my witness to you has been tainted by the way I have misrepresented myself to you. It is but a weakness of the flesh and a temptation of the Devil. Please know that you are all in my and Emma’s prayers and we’re hoping that God will be able to use this time to bring you back to His loving arms as He has me.
God bless.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Things to Do...
Just in case any of my Dallas area homies and/or lurkers are looking for something to do over the next month or so...
The Texas Storytelling Festival kicks off, um, basically today. So if you happen to be in the neighborhood of Denton, TX, go. Sadly, it looks like my schedule will pretty much allow me to go on Saturday and only Saturday, since it's been decided by the powers-that-be that my time from 8 am to 5 pm for the latter half of this week is best spent in new employee orientation, thereby requiring me to spend my evening hours actually doing my job.
I could not be more pissed about this. Just in case anyone's wondering...
Basically, the sad thing about this is that I'll miss Tim Tingle telling ghost stories on Thursday. Tim Tingle + ghost stories = awesome. Just in case anyone wants to know...
-------------------------
My good buddies from Seneca are back in the U S, back in the U S, back in the U S of A.*
They're going to be in Dallas at the Amsterdam Bar** on March 25th. For those who don't like rock shows on a Thursday (and I want to know who you are and why you hate America...), they'll also be at Trinity Hall Dallas on March 27th. Although Trinity Hall seems to think they're called Senica. Ah, well...
Also, they're gonna be spending some time in Austin and Houston. Also, they'll be in Colorado a bunch, since Colorado seems to love 'em, and they'll be in Chicago just in time for my birthday. Ironic, that.
--------------------------
Since I'm quite ready for some home cookin', Local H is heading south in April. And you'd better bet your sweet asses I'm getting in my brand-spankin' new Mazda and taking a roadie to Houston on April 18th for that. Fort Worth, while less exotic, is also a good bet. Even on a Wednesday.
---------------------------
Also, I offered Jessi Lynn $20 and a membership in the cheese of the month club to come down Dallas way.*** Apparently that wasn't enough.
So, um, if anyone wants to go in with me on, like, $60 and membership in some sort of pork- and/or beer-based monthly mailing club, I'll gladly re-open negotiations...
----------------------------
A little farther out in the future, there's a brand-spanking new storytelling festival that the city of Denison is apparently trying to start called the Texoma Storytelling Festival. In general, if you're trying to start off a festival on the right foot, then inviting Elizabeth Ellis, Tim Tingle, and Barbara McBride-Smith in is a really, really good idea.
I'm just sayin' is all...
----------------------------
*I might have stolen that from Bren's Facebook status...
**I think this is a first, and hopefully a last. I linked to two different MySpace sites in one post. And week...
***No, seriously, this happened.
The Texas Storytelling Festival kicks off, um, basically today. So if you happen to be in the neighborhood of Denton, TX, go. Sadly, it looks like my schedule will pretty much allow me to go on Saturday and only Saturday, since it's been decided by the powers-that-be that my time from 8 am to 5 pm for the latter half of this week is best spent in new employee orientation, thereby requiring me to spend my evening hours actually doing my job.
I could not be more pissed about this. Just in case anyone's wondering...
Basically, the sad thing about this is that I'll miss Tim Tingle telling ghost stories on Thursday. Tim Tingle + ghost stories = awesome. Just in case anyone wants to know...
-------------------------
My good buddies from Seneca are back in the U S, back in the U S, back in the U S of A.*
They're going to be in Dallas at the Amsterdam Bar** on March 25th. For those who don't like rock shows on a Thursday (and I want to know who you are and why you hate America...), they'll also be at Trinity Hall Dallas on March 27th. Although Trinity Hall seems to think they're called Senica. Ah, well...
Also, they're gonna be spending some time in Austin and Houston. Also, they'll be in Colorado a bunch, since Colorado seems to love 'em, and they'll be in Chicago just in time for my birthday. Ironic, that.
--------------------------
Since I'm quite ready for some home cookin', Local H is heading south in April. And you'd better bet your sweet asses I'm getting in my brand-spankin' new Mazda and taking a roadie to Houston on April 18th for that. Fort Worth, while less exotic, is also a good bet. Even on a Wednesday.
---------------------------
Also, I offered Jessi Lynn $20 and a membership in the cheese of the month club to come down Dallas way.*** Apparently that wasn't enough.
So, um, if anyone wants to go in with me on, like, $60 and membership in some sort of pork- and/or beer-based monthly mailing club, I'll gladly re-open negotiations...
----------------------------
A little farther out in the future, there's a brand-spanking new storytelling festival that the city of Denison is apparently trying to start called the Texoma Storytelling Festival. In general, if you're trying to start off a festival on the right foot, then inviting Elizabeth Ellis, Tim Tingle, and Barbara McBride-Smith in is a really, really good idea.
I'm just sayin' is all...
----------------------------
*I might have stolen that from Bren's Facebook status...
**I think this is a first, and hopefully a last. I linked to two different MySpace sites in one post. And week...
***No, seriously, this happened.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Jeebus...
And the hits just keep on coming. One-third of Texans believe that man co-existed with dinosaurs. Just over half don't believe man evolved from another species. And nearly 40% believe that the universe popped in to being about 10,000 years ago.
I think I just developed a permanent case of the Mondays...
(Via Jesus' General, for the record.)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
It is Finished
The planning for the first ever meeting of the Accidental Historian Appreciation Society: Dallas Area Chapter, that is.
This coming Saturday, January 30th, at noon we'll convocate at The Londoner, Addison. All truths will be revealed, including:
Oh, wait, that's Clooney. I'm this guy:
And since I know you're wondering, no, that's not a prop beard. Lorna's the real deal.
----------------------
*Let's just say that until I moved here I spent almost one entire day in Dallas...
- My real name.
- My real occupation.
- Where I really was when JFK was shot.*
- The location of the secret backups to the Nixon Tapes.
- What Saddam Hussein really did with the WMDs.
- What I ate for breakfast this morning.
Oh, wait, that's Clooney. I'm this guy:
And since I know you're wondering, no, that's not a prop beard. Lorna's the real deal.
----------------------
*Let's just say that until I moved here I spent almost one entire day in Dallas...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
None of My Exes Live in Texas...
So for those who are waiting with baited breath, I've officially made it to Texas. In fact, I've been here since Saturday. The last of the Chicago ice flew off my car about 50 miles north of the Texas/Oklahoma border. The Chicago road salt is still keeping my car that lovely shade of Chicago winter two-tone (blue and gray, in my case).
I'll have my stuff tomorrow. I'll have internet and TV at some point this century. So I've got that goin' for me.
I'm thinking that means it's time to start thinking about the First Annual Meet-Up of the Accidental Historian Appreciation Society, Dallas Chapter (the AHASDC is a venerable institution, with a membership of literally several and a history spanning weeks, if not months).
I think MLK Weekend might be a little optimistic at this point, but the following weekend seems like a good place to start talking. At the moment I'm partial to the idea of beers at the Flying Saucer, but I'm willing to entertain any and all suggestions.
So what say ye, gentlefolk?
Oh, and my internet is intermittent at best right now. I'm pretty much reduced to using the free wi-fi at my complex's clubhouse for the moment. In theory I'll actually have something on Friday, but I'm sure AT&T will find a new and exciting way of fucking me over. Still, after (not getting) U-Verse installed pissed me off and getting boned by Time Warner (take a note: places I do not live include: San Antonio, South Carolina, Los Angeles, and San Diego. Tim Warner seems to not know that) I switched back to old, reliable AT&T DSL plus DirecTV. Since there's a freaking AT&T DSL modem on the truck full of my stuff that will arrive tomorrow I figure there's at least a 35% chance the internet will be up and running in La Casa de Geds by some time on Friday. Maybe even 40%.
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