Wednesday, October 14, 2009

That's Life...

I’ve been burning up and spinning my wheels I guess it’s adding up after all these years There’s gotta be something more for me to find So I’m laying off the brake and leaning on the gas There ain’t no way I’m ever gonna go back I’m too far gone to ever turn around this time I got a whole lot of ground to cover So I’ll put one foot in front of the other Stand back and watch the sparks fly --Jessi Lynn, “Someday Soon” Isn’t it funny how life can kick you in the ass? Sometimes it comes when you’re already down and just delivers that sharp, hard jab right in the ribs. Sometimes it’s a sucker punch right in the gut when everything seems to be going swimmingly. And, um, then there’s an ass kick thrown in just to hold the metaphor. On the heels of Rogtober it seemed like a good idea to engage in a bit of self-assessment, reflect. Possibly bring the entire Loco to Stay Sane project to a close. But I was looking for that unifying concept that brings everything together. I was thinking of making some torturous connection between Local H’s Twelve Angry Months release show, which kind of started off the whole thing in earnest, and Rogtober. But that seemed kind of forced, even when you consider the fact that I think of Roger Clyne as the happy version of Scott Lucas and vice versa. I was thinking that maybe I could set up some weird and forced dichotomy between Her and the girl named Tawni I met at the High Noon show. I mean, they’re both preacher’s daughters, after all. But that was kind of dumb. There was always an option to find religion, but, really, who does that? So I guess there was only one way to close that circle and make this post a possibility. I went and lost my job. No, seriously. In all honesty, I wasn’t all that enamored with the idea of writing this post in the first place. I mean, I would have been perfectly content to not do it or possibly just write some reflections based on the principle that I honestly felt like it was a good time for a bit of self-assessment. I could have even come up with a halfway decent intro. It’s not like this is rocket surgery… So here I am. Exactly where I was a year and a half ago. Except not really. I’m not actually in any trouble. My boss left my team back in April in order to take a different position within the company. My boss’s boss took over day-to-day operations until we finally got a new boss about a month ago. Starting in May or June I had a lot of conversations with my boss’s boss about what I wanted to do beyond my current position. I’d assumed at the time that it was more about professional development and long-term planning, since I knew that my position had a limited shelf life. I didn’t want to do it forever, anyway, so I happily participated in discussions and flat-out said I’d be open to any number of things. I wasn’t expecting those conversations to bear fruit quite so soon, though. Maybe 2011. Not January of 2010. But here I am. Now, there’s a really good chance I’ll simply be offered a new position in the company. It’s pretty much policy when eliminating positions to place people in open positions. It’s just that no one is entirely sure at the moment whether or not there will be positions. However, the boss’s boss and the new boss have apparently been working pretty hard to figure out alternate options for keeping me (well, technically, us, since there are two positions being eliminated, but you only care about me, right?) around if things don’t go down quite right. Either way, that’s Plan A. Plan B involves me following my job as it leaves, since it shall alight in Dallas (um, basically, my job still needs to be done. But there are three companies involved in this. Two own the third and the two main companies have basically been competing with each other over some things, which doesn’t really make any sense in the grand scheme of things. So the entire point of this is to take those things which both companies do and consolidate the operations at the third company. Said third company has committed to making room for me. They’ll even pay for relocation. This would be far, far more attractive if it would allow me to move to not-Dallas. I have a very odd short list of places I’d move to without complaint: San Francisco, Kansas City, Madison, WI, San Diego, Denver, and Phoenix are pretty much it. I’d be willing to be talked in to Seattle, Nashville, Atlanta, Austin, St. Louis, Portland, Washington D.C., Minneapolis, and Philadelphia. There are about a dozen places in Europe I’d actively lobby to get transferred to. But, in general, Chicago is my home, Chicago has always been my home, and it would take a lot of convincing to get me to change my mind in the best of circumstances. Dallas does not count as the best of circumstances). I don’t want to move to Dallas. I mean, I really don’t want to move to Dallas. I really, really don’t want to move to Dallas. But that’s an option on the table. My worst-case scenario involves a really generous severance package and sticking around long enough to get my year-end bonus. As far as things go, that’s not a bad worst-case scenario. The only real problem is that my plans to pay down my debt build my resources for a rainy day really needed another six months to really get going. And I can just start a sentence with, “And in this economy…” and let you fill in the blanks your own damn self. Overall, though, I’m mostly just shocked. I simply was not expecting this to happen. I’m not particularly worried and I’m trying to figure out exactly what my Plans C, D, and E may be, since I’m not entirely sure there will be too many more times in my life I’ll be single, 28, and suddenly at a point where a whole vista of options is open before me and I don’t have to worry about much of anything. So I’d say I’m in a much better place than I was a year and a half ago. Today was a bit of a sucker punch and it’s almost impossible to take one of those well. But this time around I’m extremely confident about whatever is going to come next. It would be kind of nice to know what that is, though.

9 comments:

Fake Al Gore said...

Dallas isn't as bad as you'd think. Yes, everyone's a right-wing nutjob with a hard-on for Christ, but there are pockets or reasonable people to be found. Overall, Dallas has become slightly more progressive lately, and we do have the North Texas Church of Freethought.

If you take that route, I'd be happy to show you around and maybe introduce you to some folks.

Geds said...

Thanks for the offer, but I was kinda holding out for a guided tour from the real Al Gore.

(Ba-dum-ching. Although, really, can you imagine how boring that would be? Al Gore would talk really slowly and inform me of exactly how many greenhouse gases every place we pass is giving off. I'd probably be forced to stab myself in the eye or something...)

But, no, seriously, I might take you up on that offer. And it's nice to know there are reasonable people down there, y'know, beyond my one friend...

Michael Mock said...

Add another voice to Fake Al Gore's offer - I'm in one of the North Dallas suburbs, and it's not even quite as bad as Fake Al Gore makes it sound. (I mean, it's not Austin, but there are plenty of things to do, and Dallas is vastly more give-along-get-along than any Texas small town I've ever visited. I'm not sure how the local music scene is doing at present, but it used to be possible to find all manner of interesting things.)

Anyway, drop me an e-mail if you end up coming this way (even if it's just to look around and decide whether it might be tolerable), and I'd be happy to give you a warm welcome and a bit of a tour. (Email addy's on my website.)

As for the job... well, that pretty much sucks. Especially the where-the-hell-did-this-come-from part of it. On the plus side, at least you have some options.

Fake Al Gore said...

Mr. Mock is correct. I went with comedy versus accuracy. I'm in a North Dallas suburb, as well, and it's not bad, at all. The weather is great right now, too!

The local music scene is great if you know where to look. A lot of the bands and solo artists around here don't have a good way of getting the attention they deserve. For a sampling, Google the Dallas Observer. It doesn't have all of the local scene, but it has most of it.

One thing Dallas does right is roads. We have, in my opinion, one of the best road systems in the country (with the noted exception of our unusual carpool lanes). Traffic isn't as bad as most major cities, either. You'll just have to ignore the crazies with the "Secede" bumper stickers.

If you're interested, shoot me an e-mail at:

fakealgore {at} fakealgore //dot// com

big a said...

"The weather is great right now, too!"

"We have, in my opinion, one of the best road systems in the country (with the noted exception of our unusual carpool lanes). Traffic isn't as bad as most major cities, either."

Apparently the Dallas you live in is very, VERY different from the Dallas I live in.

Here in Allen, it's been more or less non-stop rain and gloom for the past 4 weeks(!!!) - if this is your idea of "great weather" I don't want to know what bad is.
As for the road network... you've never been to Chicago, have you?
Trust me - Dallas is absolutely pathetic by comparison.

I'll agree not everyone here is a wackjob and most of the time the weather's fine (just, yknow, not right now) - I've also seen worse road networks (*cough*Oklahoma*cough*), but I've also seen much better.

I think the real bottom-line for Dallas is if you want to get past all the chain restaurants, find the good bands and beer, and meet people who aren't passive-aggressive dipshits, you have to go looking for them. The plus side is it's typically worth it once you find them.

Geds said...

I never knew I was so popular in Dallas...

I'm still weighing my options, but I'm erring on the side of wanting to stay in Chicago. It's not just about employment, but about me being able to do what I want to do. Storytelling in Illinois is working out really well for me and I'd much rather stick around for that.

I still might end up coming down there for a visit, anyway. I'll know within the next three weeks what my future is up here, so there's that. And I've been meaning to pop in to visit big a, anyway. So, hey...

GailVortex said...

Sucks about the job--sorry to hear it. Even if the next phase of your life turns into Teh Mos Awesome Thang Evar, getting between here and there is always unsettling.

Oddly enough, I too used to live in Dallas. But that was right in the middle of my Pathetic Christian phase, so I can't tell you from a sane person's perspective whether it's a reasonable city or not. [Rocks if you're a Christian wackjob, although I now realize I was still mighty happy to return to Chicago.]

Michael Mock said...

And, the first meeting of the Dallas branch of the Official Geds Fan Club will be...?

(Hint: There'd better be beer. Good beer.)

Geds said...

Um, next Saturday (the 24th...) at a place called Jack's Backyard? How's 9 pm work for everyone?

I won't be there. I'll be in Michigan helping my grandmother close down her cottage for the weekend. So instead I'll send my good friends Jessi Lynn and Sarah Peacock.

Just, y'know, they think they're going there to play some music. So humor them...